tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post265078852879111105..comments2023-08-06T05:52:29.692-04:00Comments on Keep It Trill: Hard Rocks Love 8: Madness Runs In Couples And It Runs Both WaysKit (Keep It Trill)http://www.blogger.com/profile/03027769872237001801noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-402417138701753862008-12-17T13:38:00.000-05:002008-12-17T13:38:00.000-05:00Thanks Kit. I needed to hear the ending.It's alwa...Thanks Kit. I needed to hear the ending.<BR/>It's always a miracle when someone rises up from the oppression of poverty, addiction or other mental illness and makes their life worth living and positively influences others. <BR/>It must give you great joy.<BR/>SagaciousHillbillySagaciousHillbillyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09511441325695460501noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-56024805429438010512008-12-17T00:41:00.000-05:002008-12-17T00:41:00.000-05:00My goodness. That was a wonderfully written and he...My goodness. That was a wonderfully written and heartbreaking tale. SMH. The saddest and trues part is "Her seven year old daughter played quietly with the dolls on the floor, but I could tell she was listening. They almost always do."<BR/><BR/>I wish I knew how to help.Kellybellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11186473285513898735noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-52848113722731126692008-12-16T19:24:00.000-05:002008-12-16T19:24:00.000-05:00Thanks for sharing this, Kit, a truly inspirationa...Thanks for sharing this, Kit, a truly inspirational story. All sorts of insights here too. Your compassion and generosity especially make you a wonderful force for good. It seems that you really changed these people's lives for the better. A lot better.macon dhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07795547197817128339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-3534737661646825312008-12-16T15:21:00.000-05:002008-12-16T15:21:00.000-05:00KitYou have an amazing blend of pragmaticsm and em...Kit<BR/>You have an amazing blend of pragmaticsm and empathy.<BR/><BR/>You seem to feel these people's pain and understand the emotions behind their actions, yet you also take a realistic view of how to solve problems and deal with bad behavior.<BR/><BR/>I like that a lot. It's very refreshing and educational.Big Manhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02510881583909431416noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-11070819704633697742008-12-16T14:03:00.000-05:002008-12-16T14:03:00.000-05:00My mother has "don't remember" syndrome--there wer...My mother has "don't remember" syndrome--there were some iffy times with her in my younger years. <BR/><BR/>One day in her 40's she 'fessed up to some of what her own life was like as a child, and told me she had decided not to be angry about any more. <BR/><BR/>She is a totally different person. <BR/><BR/>Now, perhaps I should press her more about the past or even about moments that were scary for me as a kid...but I don't. I have learned many a lesson from it, as I think she has too.Jonzeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05043298950917126518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-80162176205780591752008-12-16T10:58:00.000-05:002008-12-16T10:58:00.000-05:00Kit. Great and telling story. It has me thinking o...Kit. <BR/>Great and telling story. It has me thinking of my own situation. Not abusive or anything but you raised my eyes with (paraphrasing) women with "crazy" guys and men with "crazy" women. What brought me there? Something to think about and watch as my daughter grows.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-63741305390344442902008-12-16T07:19:00.000-05:002008-12-16T07:19:00.000-05:00wow, my first time here and i was caught! hook, li...wow, my first time here and i was caught! hook, line and sinker!. this is nice, are you a lawyer? social worker? or something like that, it felt like a movie but it was so well written, i shall be backluluhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14255176946096178944noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-7640196816590869312008-12-16T05:03:00.000-05:002008-12-16T05:03:00.000-05:00Lisa/BlackWomanBlowTrumpet, yes indeed, there are ...<B>Lisa/BlackWomanBlowTrumpet</B>, yes indeed, there are areas within our community where is just isn't accepted; either seen with suspicion (sometimes with good reason), or personal weakness of "the I'm not crazy" variety" to ask for professional help. Luckily this couple was court ordered.<BR/><BR/><B>La</B>, I'm really touched that you were so touched by this. On so many levels, I'm sad too, for the kids who never get help, the abusers who get away, and the men and women who are innocent but get blamed by the system.<BR/><BR/><B>Real Hustla</B>, They really did love their kids, that's for certain, but I think Karl, and old G, had their best long-term interests at heart. He wanted better for his own and Brandi's daughter than he had as a kid, and that was a major, major strength, whereas Brandi was stuck in denial until he snitched.<BR/><BR/>This case occurred in the mid-90s. They did great in the two years followup, and there were no more reports for five years afterwards. My best guess is this story ended well. <BR/><BR/>Not all do, as you can imagine. From a social systems point of view, sometimes not enough people are involved to provide a family (holistically) with the resources they need. <BR/><BR/>Other times there are too many helpers with different ideas that clash, (social workers, attorneys, judge, school, mental health, probation, etc), and they sabotage one another and the family suffers as a result. <BR/><BR/>Or the parent(s) or child is so damaged that help is resisted or too late, and they continue to slide into an abyss.<BR/><BR/><B>Rippa</B>, <I>"Can you imagine the families we never hear about?"</I> Yes. Seen 'em; too little, too late, and it's horrible. <BR/><BR/><I>"There are families, or people who run around thinking they're normal but are far from it."</I> <BR/><BR/>Damn but that's true. The financially comfortable have fewer incidents of child abuse b/c poverty is damn stressful and people tend to have more conflict, but it still occurs. <BR/><BR/>They are hardest families to reach b/c they have the money for their own attorneys, and a little political clout to thwart child abuse or domestic abuse investigations. <BR/><BR/>Imagine if this abuse in this case occurred with a public figure. Instead of a grandmother reporting it, she may have considered how the story could ruin her adult son or daughter's career. The class differences would make the family consider things like no way my kid's going into foster care 'with those people', or 'I'm too good to go to self-help groups or group therapy 'with them' etc., and thus the outcome may have been quite different.Kit (Keep It Trill)https://www.blogger.com/profile/03027769872237001801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-22198711767493508872008-12-15T22:59:00.000-05:002008-12-15T22:59:00.000-05:00Hey there!This is such a compelling piece!Therapy ...Hey there!<BR/><BR/>This is such a compelling piece!<BR/><BR/>Therapy is not often accepted in the black community...and there is a lot of emotional and mental illness that is minimized by many in our community.<BR/><BR/>There are so many situations I have seen where the abuser was undetected by nearly everyone for a long, long time...<BR/><BR/>Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!<BR/>LisaLISA VAZQUEZhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13583559303233985031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-74275856933881665582008-12-15T17:49:00.000-05:002008-12-15T17:49:00.000-05:00Oh wow. I am sitting here crying at my desk. Unfor...Oh wow. I am sitting here crying at my desk. Unfortunately, I have known far too many cases like this, and more often than not, it's never the obvious person you think it is. Most abusers aren't just violent, they are manipulator's as well, and do pretty good about covering their tracks.Lahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16263956941852080340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-59634150399880514182008-12-15T16:29:00.000-05:002008-12-15T16:29:00.000-05:00Karl and Brandi seemed like they really love those...Karl and Brandi seemed like they really love those kids. I hope that they can learn to treat them better, although I'm still scared for all of them. <BR/><BR/>How frequently do you see happily ever afters? Do you think that's what's in store for this family?RealHustlahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07070016006573810157noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-87947956533128079022008-12-15T13:36:00.000-05:002008-12-15T13:36:00.000-05:00I could only imagine the shit that you encounter i...I could only imagine the shit that you encounter in your profession. Can you imagine the ones that you, we or I never hear about? <BR/><BR/>I know its crazy when you think about it. But I think every family has a level of dysfunction or the influences of it somewhere along the line. <BR/><BR/>There are families, or people who run around thinking they're normal but are far from it.RiPPahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08876723972974044402noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-88541795083279907372008-12-15T04:12:00.000-05:002008-12-15T04:12:00.000-05:00I'll be frank with you Faith, that's a slippery sl...I'll be frank with you <B>Faith</B>, that's a slippery slope of reasoning you're on.<BR/><BR/>It's one that has led societies to create laws of forced abortions, sterilization, and even genocide, because the underlying philosophy is always of who deserves to live or die. <BR/><BR/>And guess which racial groups in this country would be most heavily targeted on that list? Now guess which socio-economic group would follow.<BR/><BR/>Those laws would not be a democratic process as those with money and political power get to make those decisions - and it's usually the very same people that made policies and laws which created extremely bad social conditions in the first place.<BR/><BR/>Also, therapy is a roll of the dice. Therapists and psychiatrists can be culturally insensitive to downright incompetent. I've known some who are so effed up that I wouldn't let my own family near them. Even when one is good, that doesn't mean a client will 'click' with them.<BR/><BR/>Lastly, although I'm a proponent of therapy, there are many paths to enlightenment.Kit (Keep It Trill)https://www.blogger.com/profile/03027769872237001801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-44519838836279623642008-12-15T00:46:00.000-05:002008-12-15T00:46:00.000-05:00This makes me think most people should not be bree...This makes me think most people should not be breeders or seek out relationships until they've had some intensive therapy.Faith at Acts of Faith Bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02150553143062604249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-15943171731612245042008-12-14T18:31:00.000-05:002008-12-14T18:31:00.000-05:00Sagacious, I wondered if anyone would ask and I'm ...<B>Sagacious</B>, I wondered if anyone would ask and I'm glad you did.<BR/><BR/>Karl and Brandi did great. I worked with the family for two years after this, and during that time they married and had another child. He was a guy who was born with all the disadvantages, got caught up in the wrong stuff, and the mood swings didn't help. Many people with bipolar disorder commonly treat their symptoms with alcohol (or other drugs), but the new meds worked. <BR/><BR/>Brandi was motivated to change once Karl had revealed her secret. Some secrets are just too toxic to hold in and continue the pattern of dysfunction, and that's where therapy and other venues of help can liberate that person.<BR/><BR/>This story, unlike many others were hear or read about, had a nice ending of two people able to turn their lives around, which in turn protected their children.Kit (Keep It Trill)https://www.blogger.com/profile/03027769872237001801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-64250032910080869012008-12-13T19:22:00.000-05:002008-12-13T19:22:00.000-05:00THAT was absolutely awesome Kit.You are a wonderfu...THAT was absolutely awesome Kit.<BR/>You are a wonderful writer.<BR/>So, did Karl get his life together?<BR/>Stick with NA?<BR/>I've seen so many success stories occur through 12 step programs. . .SagaciousHillbillyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09511441325695460501noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-84645227163473251262008-12-13T13:28:00.000-05:002008-12-13T13:28:00.000-05:00Mimi, Agreed, resources to deal with these 'genera...<B>Mimi</B>, Agreed, resources to deal with these 'generational curses' are a problem. Sorry to hear about your lil' sis in FC. Hope you two can have fun together spending time again and she gets consistent therapy with someone she's comfortable with.<BR/><BR/><B>Truth</B>, I'm glad you said that. Ex-convicts are easy targets. Anything bad happens, pin it on them, but then the guilty walk free... to do it again.<BR/><BR/>You asked about where the empathy and understanding came from. My first job was a real eye opener. This country really is a modern day <I>Tale of Two Cities</I>. People are the same, but generational problems and/or poverty gives them so many more burdens.<BR/><BR/>I think the roots of my empathy and radar for lying, abuse and the abused came from my experience being abused in daycare. That post is titled, <I>Please Don't Cut Off My Arm.</I> That experience helped me a lot with the working with the child in this case.<BR/><BR/><B>Lady Lee</B>, Thank you.Kit (Keep It Trill)https://www.blogger.com/profile/03027769872237001801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-61534400042697621542008-12-13T11:25:00.000-05:002008-12-13T11:25:00.000-05:00That was excellent, and well written... Made me un...That was excellent, and well written... Made me understand that we really need to get therapy if that's what it takes to make us whole.LadyLeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14895667783148669410noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-11095010416514543152008-12-13T11:09:00.000-05:002008-12-13T11:09:00.000-05:00Well written piece,Again, this was insightful bril...Well written piece,<BR/>Again, this was insightful brilliant post! You have a lot of patience and a high level of empathy. It seems you have this unyielding passion for truth, no matter how long or uncomfortable the journey may be. <BR/><BR/> As for me, I might of lost patience and just blamed Karl for the beatings. Which shows I still need to grow myself. <BR/><BR/>I'm just wondering, were you born with this high level of empathy and understanding or did you learn it over the years through experience?Vertishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13903351135854868487noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-43222642608498544962008-12-12T21:34:00.000-05:002008-12-12T21:34:00.000-05:00Great piece :)Most are never taught the impact of ...Great piece :)<BR/><BR/>Most are never taught the impact of generational curses nor are they given the resources to overcome them.<BR/><BR/>I understand all too well the impact that the foster system can have on a child. My sister was in the foster system up until this summer. She has changed so much, I don't even feel like I know her anymore. <BR/><BR/>I'm glad those kids were given another chance to be raised by their parents.Mimihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02892850476530901467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-66700169933839913302008-12-12T20:31:00.000-05:002008-12-12T20:31:00.000-05:00Cruel Hand Uke, Thanks, and you're right, it's tou...<B>Cruel Hand Uke</B>, Thanks, and you're right, it's tough for folks who are unfamiliar with the dynamics to understand it.<BR/><BR/><B>Curvy Girl</B>, You're welcome, and what you described in your question is called burnout. There are a lot of strategies to deal with this. One key is to <I>help others help themselves.</I> Then the outcome belongs to them, not you. And if you work in a helping profession, frequent mini-vacations are great too.<BR/><BR/><B>Mista Jaycee</B>, Thank you.Kit (Keep It Trill)https://www.blogger.com/profile/03027769872237001801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-46603443433199327192008-12-12T20:16:00.000-05:002008-12-12T20:16:00.000-05:00As always a world class piece. Thank you for the i...As always a world class piece. Thank you for the insight.<BR/>Jayceeachoiceofweaponshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14742415077326783252noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-41878666880472253062008-12-12T19:59:00.000-05:002008-12-12T19:59:00.000-05:00Sorry, one more thing....Do you find that you inte...Sorry, one more thing....<BR/><BR/>Do you find that you internalize any of the many painful situations your clients go through? I'm the type that will worry more about someone's problems than they probably do...I think I have 'fix it' syndrome, but I'm learning to step back unless it's something that I really need to be involved in. Just wondering how it affects professionals.♥ CG ♥https://www.blogger.com/profile/06312573343401136201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-51883605115533651952008-12-12T19:53:00.000-05:002008-12-12T19:53:00.000-05:00Wow, Kit, this is heavy. Bless you for being a voi...Wow, Kit, this is heavy. Bless you for being a voice of reason and understanding. It's easy to overlook the situations that tear families apart and have a larger effect on communities when you haven't experienced it. As always, I appreciate your taking the time to teach us :-).♥ CG ♥https://www.blogger.com/profile/06312573343401136201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6325219138869173743.post-77100768053223182212008-12-12T19:38:00.000-05:002008-12-12T19:38:00.000-05:00What a well written piece Kit. I am thankful that ...What a well written piece Kit. I am thankful that I have never fallen into that cycle in my life. It is critical to understand the mechanics of it so as to not be ignorant, but so difficult to wrap the brain around it if you have never experienced it. Thank you for your insight. I enjoy your comments.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com