Thursday, October 30, 2008

Urban Chickens
Are Coming Home To Roost

And now for some political satire...

I haven't dined out in quite sometime because necessity turned me into a home chef. Even my dog got a clue and finally stopped peeing next to his food bowl after I told him we'd adopt the ways of a faraway culture and eat him, if the fridge and cabinets go bare next year.

It's common knowledge, or at least should be, that America's chicken's have come home to roost.

I'm certain our new feathered friends will like urban areas. So be it. If I have to have one, I want an urban chicken. I'll keep her in my bathroom. I don't think they can be house broken, so that's the easiest place to clean.

Yeah, y'all are thinking that Kit done lost her damn mind.

Nope. I even have a plan for my hen.

I'll play my Rev. Wright video once a day to remind my new home girl that she's supposed to be sitting next to my bathtub and happily roosting. That way she'll be generous with her eggs and the dog won't have to hide every time he hears someone's stomach growl.

My daughter can groom it so it will look like exotic. There are a lot of senior citizens in our building. Their eyesight isn't that great, so maybe we can pass it off as a poodle. See? This one only needs a collar and leash.

It's been a bitch of year, but damned if I'm running from chickens. I'll shove one or even two in a cage with a nice little nest, and she or they can feed my family.

Long ago when my son's was a wee thing, his babysitter had roaches, then we had roaches when one of those little suckers snuck home with him and multiplied, at least until I introduced them to a fumigator. Guess we'll need to visit his old sitter and bring some new ones home. Then roaches will finally be useful, and can be used to feed the chicken.

*scream ewweeel*

Right after Rev. Wright said God would punish this country for all the evils, i.e., genocide, slavery, and oppression, that the American government did to so many people throughout history and present, all hell broke loose.

Not many people wanted to hear that, and even had the nerve to call him a racist for complaining about racism.

Well, he shouldn't have said God damn America even if probably meant God will damn the American government for what it's done. I've been wondering ever since if this was some sort of chicken curse we now have hanging over our heads. Most of us didn't do jack to nobody but lots of us have been affected.

Maybe now is a good time to review how we've been damned since May

Over 800 wild fires caused by lightening strikes in Northern California.

Floods submerged parts of several mid-west states, which is one reason that our food prices are higher.

Don't forget about all those tornadoes.

Gas prices shot up, another reason food prices have increased since transporting it is more expensive. They've eased back down but that's temporary from the word on the street.

The housing market's engine, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, rolled over and died. They've been nationalized. Or should I say, Socialized, as in, Socialist?

The little country of Georgia stupidly followed "someone's" secret orders to invade their annexed northern side that doesn't even want to be bothered with them over our plan to put missiles there, facing Russia, who in turn kicked their azz. The Ruskies embarrassed the fuck out of us when the EU backed off 'cause they depend on Russia's gas and oil and don't want to piss them off, and now the whole world knows The Bear is back in the geopolitical game.

The fake Christian Right always felt they have a monopoly on God. The head hater minister of one of America's leading Evangelical groups led by James Dobson, asked his members to pray for torrential rain of biblical proportions to wash out Obama's formal acceptance speech as the Democratic Presidential Nominee at Denver's Invesco Field. Oh, what a beautiful day!

And how quiet the haters were afterwards.

Instead, McCain's shining moment got washed out. God scheduled Hurricane Gustave to hit Louisiana at exactly the moment that George W. Bush was to deliver his speech at the Republican National Convention. Afterwards, the media operatives of hate feigned amnesia about this mass prayer, not only because they were embarrassed, but because they were strategizing their next acts of pure racist hate and deceit, the kinds Rev. Wright so fiercely complained about.

Then along came September 15th, the Black Monday that will be remembered as the first day of the new Great Depression II if historians get it right.

Lehman Brothers died, followed by a few more and the $850 Billion Welfare to Wall Street Rip-Off Bailout reward to them at taxpayer expense - to corporations and banks that effed up, with more on the way.

Paulson and Bernanke, in hindsight, might be more worried about going to trial than about Wall Street going belly up, in this photo. The spook-infested AIG ain't worried about shit. They got their cut and partied hard by misusing $440K to celebrate. Guess they were happy about that Bush 'Socialist' plan, since they're nationalized now.

Ooops! I forgot. Socialism, as re-defined by the Right, only counts when you tax the top 5% a little more than the bottom 95% of the population, who would also get universal healthcare and nice social programs.

The Right doesn't think it's Socialism when you save the Wall Street Sharks and mega-corporations that robbed, pillaged, or simply screwed up. They are correct. What they embrace is totalitarism combined with cronyism.

During all the politricks, polar bears, who have no voting rights, don't have enough ice in their habitat to survive man-made global warming. Their only solace is that we'll soon be an endangered species too.

I'd save one and put it in my bathroom too, but it wouldn't fit very well and might eat my chicken and dog. Then I'd have no eggs, and at night my feet would be cold since the dog keeps them warm.

Amidst all the above, McCain's hidden puppet master had him chose an opportunistic moose hunter who will surely slay Liberty - as directed - if she ever becomes Prez, and his remaining supporters are still nutty enough to go along with this to keep the White House white.

Forget about the October newsletter by those silly Republican women had, which suggested Barack will make Food Stamp dollars and we can all eat high on the hog. Those dumb bitches are mental throwbacks from The Flat Earth Society, and will wish the hell they had some Obama Bucks to buy barbecue ribs, fried chicken, watermelon and Koolaid.

Our economy is fried thanks to the GOP aka The Party That Wrecked America, but unlike fried chicken, we can't eat it. Maybe before Bush leaves office, he can issue a Zero dollar bill with his photo on it to remind us what a memorable President he's been.

And that's just the first flock coming home to roost. More are on the way. The writing is on the wall everywhere.

Now Joe Biden said "we will be tested" early next year. Duck n' cover, kids! And Colin Powell hinted at it too, saying, "there’s going to be a crisis come along in the 21st or 22nd of January that we don’t even know about right now."

Maybe they've seen large flocks of chickens on radar from one of those fancy-schmancy outer space weather thingys.

Like most of y'all, I love some Obama. I bet that confused, race-baiting McCain volunteer who carved the letter B on her face secretly does too. All them racists are obsessed with him. Shee-it, they think and talk about him more than black folks. While we're sleeping, they're up wide awake, wondering his next move.

Maybe now's a good time to invest in companies that make meds for insominia, depression, anxiety and paranoia. The fixed news crowd could make us rich after Election Day! Yes, the nervous breakdowns will come then. We're beginning to see it already.

Well, sucks for them. Their hero is older than an aging Captain Kirk who can't maneuver through the trouble ahead any better than he could his own plane back in 'Nam.

But Spock, Jr. Obama can.

Barack is gonna try to get the money flowing again once he's in the White House, but we're currently entering the new Great Depression II. They're trying to keep it a secret so they can steal a little more until there's nothing more to steal.

The first Depression hit on Oct 28 & 29, 1929, but it took a few months before it hit Main Street. Like me, President Franklin Roosevelt had a plan for his generation's chickens coming home to roost. He got the nation through it with his chicken in every pot idea among others.

I figure this one will be worse, so I'm not eating mine. Just the eggs. Greenspan made another dumb ass mistake this week by ridiculously lowering the interest rates to encourage consumers to spend what they don't have in a country that's broke. I don't know Peter Schiff, but he made sense the other day on Bloomberg, talking about how this will cause hyperinflation. Hell, a dozen eggs may end up costing five or ten bucks by next year.

Things are hitting real close to my home. This week, one of my relatives got laid off from her job. She wasn't alone. One out of five got their pink slips. The remaining will go nuts trying to keep up with their work and that of the riffed employees.

Stock yo' pantries and save yo' cash, 'cause ain't nobody is stopping these birds of economic prey, because Superman won't be sworn in until late January.

Hmmm. I don't look forward to any of this, but I do like eggs. Scrambled eggs with cheese, sunny side up on toast, deviled eggs, you name it. So if I have to have a bird coming home to roost in my broke azz life, I want her to be an urban chicken.

And she's gonna have style.


  1. Nice chicken picts. Up until last year I had a silkie (the white fluffy one you posted) that I'd raised. She lived on my back porch instead of in the barnyard with the other chickens. She always came running like one of the dogs to see me when I pulled in. I miss old Fluff.
    Chickens are efficient animals, but with the price of feed these days, you'll want to suppliment their diet with table scraps. In a small backyard you can keep enough birds to keep a family of four in eggs.
    Yea, after seeing Exxon/Mobile profit numbers that I blogged about today, we're all going to be taking purposeful steps to survive.

  2. I hate eggs. I don’t even like to smell them cooking so that wont fly in my house. Give me the whole chicken or give me death!

    While I'm an Obama supporter I'm not enough of a daydream believer to think he’s going to radically change the landscape of American politics and economics fast enough to save America from nose-diving. This is going to get bad. His job isn’t so much to save the plane as it is to look after the survivors.

  3. Kit, lol, you're a trip! You can keep your urban chickens. I'll take a polar bear. Slice, dice and freeze that bad boy and he'll feed my family for about a year. I'll invite you over for my "Baked Alaska Special".

  4. I'm supposed to be working so can't say much but that was a great post. Damn you gonna feed the roaches to the chicken, good use for them critters.

    Yep, I am stocking up cuz I see things getting a whole lot tighter before they get better.

  5. Um I'm not so sure you can't just go ahead and eat that chicken for christmas.

    Look the problems with America have nothing to do with God, nothing to do with the "Right", and I'm fairly sure nothing to do with chicken, but then again I'm biased towards chicken.

    One of the many problems is that there is no such thing as a fiscal conservative in our beloved government, both sides of the political table love pointing fingers yet no one wants to make some hard decisions to get out of this thing.

    I'm hoping a man with world class smarts such as Obama, is playing possum and will get in there and right this ship. I'm not holding my breath though. So actually on second thought maybe you should hold on to that chicken.

  6. As scared as you are of Bird Flu, I can't see you with no chickens in your house.

    Nope, not you.

  7. Sagacious, Ah, an appreciator of our feathered friends. But those were not chickens. They're poodles. Fo' real. Ask my kid, she'll convince you.

    Dom, You said, "This is going to get bad. His job isn’t so much to save the plane as it is to look after the survivors." I'm 99% sure you're right. The other 1% is hope.

    Kitchen Angel, Hmmm. Sounds yummy. Polar Bear Pot Roast, perhaps? Heh-heh. Seriously though, I like polar bears. They're much more sociable with one another than other bears. I hope they don't end up extinct.

    Black Girl In Maine, Glad to hear you're stocking up. Now we know where to go when our food runs out. ;)

    Dorian G, Thanks for visiting and leaving a comment; seen you over at VSB, I think. Cool user name... Dorian Gray, perhaps? Heh-heh, that's wicked. Anyway, you said I'm not holding my breath about Obama being able to right this ship. Agreed. That vessel is sinking. He'll need to get us out and onto a new one he and his best thinkers can build. Saving so many Americans from dire poverty will be a nightmare.

    Big Man, Damn, you got the memory of an elephant! I am flattered and impressed you remember my fear of bird flu and this article! I guess it could come down to this: starve, or eat and take my chances that bird flu won't be flying in that flock of roosting chickens.

    I was on a survivalist site not long ago, picking apart the pros and cons of different foods people could eat in the case of mass famine. I came up with the idea of breeding clean and healthy lab rats since they multiply quickly. I don't where I come up with this shyt, but it wouldn't surprise me if somewhere, some guy is doing this right now in his bomb shelter.

  8. You know...I have a few squirrel families here..can't have chickens that I can hide but I do have the squirrels that keep trying to raid my garlic beds....I got a few recipes too...Just a homesteader thought.

  9. Mango, I imagine squirrels would be running for their lives if famine hit us. I have yet to see a fool-proof or full-proof plan of any survivalist in the event SHTF big time. I think we might end up with very long bread lines, shortages, etc. if it's a Depression isn't complicated by war on American soil... another reason to keep Dumb & Dumber out of office.

    BTW, Just checked out your African Zen Woman blog and it's really unique; I added it. Thanks for dropping by.

  10. No problem! Let me know if you need recipes for squirrels....I have some of those too!

  11. Rev. Wright's chicken curse, huh? That's funny and cool at the same time, and I have to admit, during the summer with all the floods and tornadoes, it crossed my mind. This year has been a bitch for the country and this was a nice review. I liked the pics too, especially Palin bagging Liberty.

  12. Thanks for the comic relief with a side order of serious, Kit. Good review, and great picks, I'll second the extra round of applause for the Palin kill-shot. "Screw those huddled masses yearning to breath free. A chicken in every tenth pot and a rifle in every bedroom!"

  13. Poodles. . . HA! Exactly what my wife and daughter call the silkies.
    The interesting thing about them is that they have black skin. The Japanese and some other Asians would eat nothing else. The French like yellow skin chickens, Americans like white skin chickens. Really.
    Appreciate them? I raise 100% organic chickens, turkeys and ducks.

  14. I dont like this idea.;_ylt=AlroLPY0a1Qjcvmv1QKu0tnLLJ94

  15. point of order
    1. eggs top my fave list of food (don't worry, im not missing the metaphor)
    2. them racists do love them some obama. me too.
    3. i love me some polar bears and i've always wanted to be friends with one and ride him around and then we can sleep on an ice floe but i digress.
    4. everyone is holding their breath for the election and sometimes i forget that after my birthday and x-mas rolls around and i've spent a lot of money celebrating it, i should never forget to save some for a rainy day. 21st or 22nd of january huh? thanks for the warning.

  16. Emeritus, *chuckling* great point of order list. I'm fond of polar bears too, at least at a safe distance, lol. And I don't know why Colin Powell was so specific, more so than Biden, in their warnings. Maybe that was a little covert preventive work on his part since by law, he cannot reveal top secrets.

    Jimmy G, thanks for the heads up. I read it, google & scanned related stories and will explore them further. So far no red flags have been raised, but I'll try to leave a longer comment on the thread in this article by tonight.

  17. Brilliant!!! You be crackin' and factin' for sure.

  18. that is some puzzle u put together and it is clear to folks like me u may be right like i said, cant be too BOO lol (i scared u huh) admit it
    happy friday jones

    will u be ther in the am?

  19. Man, that sarah palin picture with the statue of liberty killed me.

    this was a refreshing read, all i can say is thank you.


  20. Thanks, Ed, Jackie & Torrance!

    Shit is hitting the fan real bad and not being televised.

    How bad?

    The United States Postal Service is considering cutting 40,000 jobs.

  21. This is my first time visiting and i must say i love your blog!

    Great read, great points, original!

    okay i'll stop gushing, but i truly enjoyed this post and others. i'm glad to finally have stopped by.

    Re: chickens. How about having a cow to have milk to wash down the egg?

  22. I happen to have sporadic bad memory and when I first read the post, I wanted to say something so bad.

    Well now I remember! Lol

    I read somewhere that gas prices always drp before an election. In my town, it's at 2.69 (lowest I've seen so far). I'm sure it's even lower in other places.

    How far do you think they'll shoot up post election?

  23. Miriam, lol, thanks. A cow won't fit in my bathroom. Maybe a small goat would work. ;)

    Emeritus, I hate to be doom n' gloom b/c humanity has a tendency to at first ignore and then kill the messenger, but I think it possible we'll yearn for the $5 bucks a gallon days, and may even see shortages in 2009. Don't panic though, that's just a plausible worst case scenario.

  24. Oh, Kit. Take it from a country don't want no chickens. Foul, nasty birds, and they stink up a place bigtime. and did I mention their personalities? I'd prefer dealing with Republicans!

    I like the goat idea. Goats are also quite efficient and better company than chickens. If you're married to the chicken idea, at least keep them in the backyard or on the roof. ;-)

  25. Heh-heh, Laurel, this was satire. IF I had a house and yard sorta out in the country, I might get a few birds and *maybe* a goat if/when food prices become unbearable. Thanks though for the tip.

  26. ok, that is hilarious! love this post & pics. lol!


  27. I know, Kit. Guess I was a little dry. And it was coming from a fever haze...I caught something nasty while traveling and am just beginning to get over it.

    Or maybe I should have extended it to "Laurel's guide to edible houseplants" or "How to grow beans in a hanging planter." :-)

  28. Focused Purpose, Thanks! Glad it may you laugh.

    Laurel, I'm so sorry to hear you're down with a bug. Your wealth of knowledge in raising farm animals and growing veggies is wonderful. Wish I had taken better advantage of learning more of these tricks from my dad when he was alive. I like the LAOTC forum; they have a whole section on this. Get well soon.

  29. Funny yet serious. This was too much! Great post.

  30. Damn Kit, you put your foot in this one. Yup, that bathroom bird dont sound too bad.

    Hell, it beats the shit outta raising Alpacas. I dunno if they even eat that shit, but they sure be advertising the hell out of it on TV.


    Maybe thats rich folks chicken?

  31. Rippa, I'm laughing loud enough to be heard in the next room. Alpacas? OMG! Those wooly, funny-looking critters that look like a four-way genetic collision of camel, sheep, dog, and horse?

    Fine. If Urban Alpacas are coming home with those roosting chickens, I'll take one and pass it off as an Afgan dog. We'll take it on walks, with style...

    Latoya, Thanks!


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