Saturday, April 17, 2010

Kit's Satire: My Night Out With
The Bloods And The Tea Party

I met up with Mo in the mall parking lot. He was trying to recruit me to join the Tea Party.

"This is quite a switch from your gangsta days with the Bloods," I remarked.

"Nah, not really, Kit," he replied. "They just wear a different color, on their skin, and I even get to carry my gun in public."

I raised an eyebrow, looking at him skeptically.

"Fo' real," he added. "At the rallies. The feds don't even bother me."

"Unbelievable," I replied. "What about getting spit on?"

"The ones who don't know me see this, and they're cool."

He unbuttoned his shirt and removed it, revealing a tee shirt underneath that said, Negroes United with Tea.

"Catchy," I said dryly. "So now you're a NUT."

"Yep," he agreed proudly.

"Uh, what's your goal?", I asked. "I mean, I have an idea what theirs is, but what's yours?"

Mo looked around furtively, and whispered, "You'll have to swear to keep it a secret."

I looked around too, wondering who to look for. Allegiances change so fast nowadays that I hardly know who the designated enemy is anymore.

"Okay," I said, "tell me."

Mo came closer. He said, "The goal is infiltration. We gonna hijack the Tea Party."

"Didn't Michael Steele already try that with the GOP?"

"Hell to the no," he answered. "He was sincere."

"Poor thing," I replied.
"I still don't quite quite get it. A lot of them are racist to the bone, so why join them?"

"We figured out that's the same question that the infiltrators of the Party of Lincoln grappled with. They eased on in anyway, hijacked the party, and boom, next thang ya know, they're the GOP of today, hating on civil rights, pretending that slavery didn't exist and wanting to sanitize the already bloodless history books."

"The Tea Party comes across as being even more racist," I said.

"That's 'cause they don't know us," he said. "Hardly any have ever been real friends with a black person in their lives. People fear what they don't know. People kill what they fear."

"Yeah, I get the impression in the news that a lot of them are dying to re-do the Civil War."

"That's where we come in," he said. "Our role to let them know we have a lot in common, that we're all slaves since Wall Street ripped us off. Debt slaves."

"I get the strategy," I said. "Keep them focused on the greedy rich, instead of taking out their anger on us. But still, the haters scare me."

Mo shrugged. "They hate paying for stuff the most, 'cause they some cheap mofos who don't want to pay for jack. That's why they hate taxes so much, way more than black folks. Because of this, they hate the government even more."

"But why join them? They're still a little scary."

"The Tea Party needs strength in numbers. I been networking with Bloods and Crips, and they ain't scared of nothin'. They thinking about signing on, 'cause in exchange for our membership, we'll get our agenda on the table, starting with making weed legal."

My mouth was hanging open. Before I could say a word, two cornfed white folks came over. Mo introduced us.

"Buck and Becky, meet Kit."

"Howdy!", they said in unison, greeting me as friendly as apple pie.

"Uh, 'sup."

Mo said, "Kit's thinking 'bout joining. I can vouch for her."

Before I could say I am?, Buck spoke. "We're on our way to pick up Jamal and Jamika. Wanna ride with us?"

"Um, where y'all going?"

"To a meetup to make signs for tomorrow's rally at the Medicare building."

"Y'all not gonna bomb it, are you?"

"Now Missy," said Becky sternly, "You been watching them nasty liberal news shows. We ain't like that."

"That's what Glenn Beck says all the time," I replied. "But why Medicare, and whatchu gonna do there?"

Mo jumped in and said, "We're gonna protest all that intrusive government spending on old folk's health. All they really need to do is smoke a little weed and they won't feel sick."

Mo done lost his damn mind, I thought.

Buck agreed with him. "You betcha!"

I followed them to their car, and to be perfectly honest, I never rode in a pickup with a Confederate flag before. I was polite and didn't mention it.

A few blocks away, they picked up Jamal and Jamika.

"Jamal The Plumber!", I exclaimed. "I didn't know they was talking about you!"

"Kit, baby!", he said, hugging me, "ain't seen you since the primaries. You know, the O-man is okay, but we need real change. Glad to see you're on board."

Then he winked at me, and I knew in an instant he was an infiltrator too. Jamal don't smoke weed, so I wondered what his agenda was. I asked him.

He said, "Health care reform should have been all or nothing, but Barack made it too easy for the insurance companies. By 2014, Americans will pay $6,000 a year for insurance whether they want it or not. I'm glad for those who truly need it, but I want what the Canadians and the French have, not being forced to decide between food in the fridge or paying $500 per month when I'm healthy as a horse."

"But what if you get sick? One unexpected surgery has caused a lot of people to lose their homes."

"Well earning only minimum wage while working 40 hours per week barely covers rent. How would l look living in cardboard box by the river so I can pay for health insurance that I don't need?"

Becky piped up, "You got a point, Jamal. That's what we've been saying!"

At the meetup, I saw one of Mo's homeboyz who used to drop in at my house back in the day when my boy was gang banging.

"Waz up, Ma?", his familiar deep voice said.


The young man who always called me Ma hugged me tight.

"You the last nigga I'd expect to see here," I whispered.

"I done gone from grass, to grass roots," he said. "Strength in numbers, ya know? Ain't like black folks are still mobilizing since Obama won, so we gonna ride with the Tea Party."

"To do what?"

"To stop the government's welfare system from treating those who need it like indentured servants."

"Whatchu mean?"

"If you need food stamps and temporary cash assistance, in a lot of cities, you have to donate your time and work for free at some place to get them."

"Yeah, I know about that and it sucks."

"Further," he said, "It breaks up families. I can't live with my baby's mama no more because I work two part time jobs, but still don't earn quite enough to pay rent and feed of all three of us. Her slick azz employer invented a reason to fire her so he wouldn't have to pay for her unemployment."

"Yeah, they do that," I said.

"Now the government ties up 40 hours each week of her time, making her work like a damned indentured servant to get food stamps and a lousy $400 per month. Work to eat. WTF is that? And that's time she doesn't have to look for another job."

In the background, country music played. Becky wandered over and offered me a Tea brownie.

"It's from my cousin in California," she said. "Baked with top grade Canadian cannabis and Green Tea. It's very healthy."

"How sweet of you," I said politely. "Thanks anyway, but I'm watching my waistline."

"Hard to do these days," she said, nodding.

I agreed, and added, "I'm not down with genetically modified foods, the high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated oil they put in processed foods. Big Agriculture and Big Government in bed together, allowing the poisoning the American people. Is this a Tea Party issue?", I asked.

"I hadn't thought about it," Becky replied. "I guess it could be one. I'll add it to our agenda."

Kareem was standing behind her and winked at me. He mouthed the words, "Powers in numbers."

I began to laugh.

Becky looked at me oddly, then smiled. "I love some of you colored folks. Y'all laugh so easily."

"Um, thank you," I said politely, biting my tongue. This paid off. She ran and got me a free Negros United with Tea shirt.

"Thanks!", I said.

"You betcha!"

Becky smiled and wandered closer to where a speaker was debating whether Sarah Palin is a friend or foe since she paid her taxes.

I asked Jamika what she thought of all this.

"It's a good meetup,"
she whispered to me, "They ain't drinking beer. That's when they start obsessing over whether Barack was born in Hawaii or Kenya, and looking at me for the answer. I just tell them I hadn't been born then and I wasn't there, so I don't know."

"Sounds like a good answer to me," I said, "since nothing else satisfies them. But why are you in it?"

"I figured out that if one-fourth of the people who show up for Tea Party rallies are black, the really racist ones who are hardcore White Nationalists will quit, and start a new group that's even more fringe. Homeland Security will take care of their evil asses, because they are domestic terrorists."

I couldn't stop laughing. I laughed harder when I noticed that now, Buck was wearing Kareem's do-rag.

Just when I thought the night couldn't get any stranger, everyone pulled out their guns. I didn't have mine, so I watched through the smoky cigarette and cannabis haze while most of them cleaned theirs. Politics and the new Great Depression was an opportunity for marginalized and ordinary people to find common ground, although this would create some very strange alliances. My souvenir tee shirt would remind me of this.

At the end of the evening, Buck and Becky pulled me over to join in for the sing-a-long. I locked arms with the group and we sang We Shall Overcome.

But overcoming Medicare?

I think not.


  1. KIT this is hella funny! I am even considering joining a local Tea Party for various reasons but this is funny nonetheless. Keep it coming!

  2. My favorite line: "I followed them to their car, and to be perfectly honest, I never rode in a pickup with a Confederate flag before. I was polite and didn't mention it."

    I've been saying for a long time...

    Black folks need to pay attention to the issues. THE ISSUES. :)

    Awesome, Kit. You need to see if you can't get this printed somewhere...

    On second thought, most people wouldn't get it. ::sigh::

  3. M Rigmaiden, Thanks!

    A.Smith, I'm chuckling that you liked the subtlety of that line.

    About some folks not getting the satire, I dunno, based on the few comments yesterday, maybe it's a slow weekend, or maybe I've tried too many different kinds of posts and things lately. This ain't exactly a blog one can pigeon hole, ya know? Could be a lot of things, including me being a woman; we can deny it all we want, but brothas still get shown a little more blogger love and latitude by commenters. Yeah, I said it; if it don't apply to you, don't sweat it, lol.

    On the other hand, one cyberfriend wrote and asked if I really did go to a Tea Party with the Bloods. *chuckling again* The answer to that is no.

  4. Kit,
    followed you over from MadMikes where I post.Great,funny stuff. Maybe if there's some Surenos (Socal) and Nortenos (Norcal)we could start a MUT!
    Really glad I found your place,Still LMAO.

  5. I read this yesterday and nearly killed myself laughing (laughing after abdominal surgery is not a good idea). I loved it and I swear sometimes you see these fools at the tea gatherings and I do wonder if there is something else going on.

    I do think you are right though that ladies in the blogosphere do not get the same love the men do. Unless we are talking about relationships, and maybe 1-2 other issues otherwise we are not heard. I have made my peace with that though at times it still burns me up.

  6. Hello Buck. Hello Betty. Hello Kit. Nice to meet you Jamal.

    My name is Denmark Vesey. I'm the blackest man on the internet.

    Welcome to the Tea Party.

    Glad to see you all were able get beyond the Group Identity politics of the Plantation Media system.

    They invested much in keeping us apart didn't they?

    Well Look. While we are all together ... later for the Confederate Flags and whether you like black people or not.

    I got enough friends and self-esteem, I don't particularly need to be "liked" or "accepted" by white folks ... no offense.

    But if we could pool our collective political clout to pay off our mortgages instead of giving banks Billions for executive bonuses we've got a good reason to make this thing do what it do.

    Feel me?


    Now. Since I'm obviously the flyest cat in The Teap Party movement I nominate myself for President.

    Buck ... you my chief of staff.

    I want to set up a press conference. We want a national referendum on the War in Afghanistan.

    It's costing this country $130 Million per day.

    We want that money spent on manufacturing jobs in the south and midwest.

    Becky. I want you to draft a response to this charade called "National Health Care Insurance".

    We want those billions spent on a healthy food system and prevention instead of funneling billions to drug companies to treat disease.

    Sista Kit. I want you to focus on Foreign Policy. How can the United States help the world heal and improve its relationships with other citizens of the world?


    We all on the same page?

    That's what I'm talking about.

  7. Oso, Hey guy, welcome! Just read your profile and you're pretty funny yourself: "If a tree falls in a forest and it lands on sarah palin would it matter?"

    *still chuckling*

    BGIM, You won't believe this, but I thought of you yesterday and KNEW this post would (physically) hurt you. So sorry! Glad you're recovering from surgery, though.

    About this other topic... I get equal play from both genders in the comment section, but I've long felt that if folks thought Kit (me) was a guy instead of a lady, this area would be a helluva lot more active, again, from both genders. This should be true for any sista who ventures beyond blogging beyond relationships and parenting, but it isn't.

    Surprisingly, I think the key to resolving that problem lays at the feet of slightly more women than men, and the cause may be that the majority of us never played team sports.

  8. Denmark, You slumming today, DV?


    I swear, I ain't never seen you leave a comment anywhere else. You're like America, and the rest of us are out of the way, undeveloped nations.


    I like your response. It's funny. You asked, "How can the US help the world heal and improve its relationships with other citizens of the world?"

    I could have made a joke, but that's a too serious a question. Instead I just wrote a post to answer it.

    It's titled, "The Dilemma of Being Part Of The Giant, Mutant, Siamese Thing"

    Lately I'm trying a few new things, sharing my work with other bloggers to reach, teach and learn from different audiences. This upcoming one initially will be posted at Asabaga's blog at which I just joined, and after a day or two or so I'll post it here.

    Thanks for the question.

  9. This shit is hella funny and cracked me the fuck up! Seriously, you should tap into this side of you more often. You know me... I love keeping niggas rollin' on the floor. It's the only way to get them to pay attention as A. Smith pointed out in her comment.

  10. Awesome, Kit, more more! You know how to make funny, and you get serious content in there too. I'm wondering where I'm gonna see this piece published next . . . (Good to see Jamal again too.)

  11. Rippa, Nobody cracks me up quite like you do, Rippa, so coming from you, I am honored. Heck, I must chuckle once a day thinking about this post you wrote last week!

    Macon, Thank you, Macon. Heh-heh, you remembered Jamal The Plumber; I had to work him in along with the issues. Glad you enjoyed it.

  12. @ Oso - Nah mange... No Nortenos or Sorenos allowed.
    Didn't you know that there are too many, already at this party, whose whole agenda is a more strict interpretation of immigration law?
    Looks like you'll have to wait for Sotomayor to be elected as POTUS.

    @ Kit - Yeah... I noticed DeeVee too.
    What did you do to get him to read someone else?
    But he is right - some of the things favored by the TeaBaggers are things with which I could agree.
    (Just leave the racial aspect out.)

  13. Kellybelle, Thanks!

    John, The short answer is I let DV know, and we both are inclined to think outside of the box and question authority. We don't always agree with each other, but I think we challenge each other in a healthy way.

    Denmark is on to something about the value of ignoring race and looking at some of the issues the Tea Party brings. A lot of it is just plain nuts, which the video link by James Pence (a very astute hillbilly) clearly outlines, but as with everyone and everything, not all of should be dismissed. It's a movement begging for leadership, and the GOP is dying to co-opt them.

    Were blacks to co-opt this movement first, it could theoretically drive out the haters and the fruitcakes. I can picture Rush Limbaugh having a nervous breakdown now. The thing is, who wants to be the first to join? Not I, I ain't got the fortitude.

  14. Brilliant! And I just want you to know I don't post here is not because you're not a great blogger; it's because I have limited time and am interested in reading so many that I rarely have time to comment.

    Favorite comment on this one is the one about Rush having a breakdown. The absolutely most frightening thing that could happen to Republicans is for poor whites and poor blacks to join forces. Fueling the flames of white fear of blacks has been a cornerstone of Republican strategy. I long for the day when all the poor and working class unite in opposition to the policies of the elite. But, please God, let's have a little more behind us than Tea Party rhetoric!

  15. Sagacious, Lol, I knew you'd enjoy this. Glad you caught it.

    TLS, Thank you very much, I appreciate that. Except for the occasional troll (one that deleted from about 3:30 AM today with the initials CF, who loves to leave his thinly disguised hate on black blogs), I enjoy discussions and debates with readers and other bloggers, even when we don't agree. Without feedback, which happens once in awhile, I wonder if I'm just talking to myself, ya know? *chuckling*

    About what you said... yeah, I'd love to see Rush choke on seeing blacks and whites uniting. That would make my day. Who would his new enemy be then? One has to wonder. Lol!

    And you are so right about the GOP and fake news spreading fear and hate among the proletarian masses so they'll fight among each other rather those who keep our necks under their boots. The Dems are slick too, but the GOP are the worst offenders. As they say, we have the best democracy that money can buy.

  16. Sista Kit!

    LOL. I feel ya. I was long overdue. My fault. But it was well worth the trip.

    Funy and clever piece.

    I liked this part:
    "Then he winked at me, and I knew in an instant he was an infiltrator too. Jamal don't smoke weed, so I wondered what his agenda was. I asked him."

    "an infiltrator" Ahhhhhh!

    Nah. But look.

    It's not that I'm suggesting we simply ignore race.

    Not by any means.

    I'm the blackest man on the planet. I'm into celebrating race.

    I'm suggesting we focus on the concerted media effort to make us think ONLY RACE when it comes to political movements like the Tea Party, that challenge the political paradigm.

    Like I said.

    Must we play the George Jefferson to their Archie Bunker?

    Doesn't it seem a little "scripted" to you?

    Fanatical White Racist Government Skeptics vs. Leary Mistrustful Cynical Black Government Dependents?

    I'm of the opinion race has been used by a very tiny elite to pull the okey doke on blacks and whites alike.

    That wasn't a "Bailout".

    That was rip off.

    The fact is a tiny little lobby like AIPAC has 50 times more impact on this government than the Tea Party could hope to have.

    Yet American "liberals" and Negros who still call themselves "Democrats" ... got their collective lips poked out at angry unemployed white folks who happen to be asking the government some pretty tough questions.

  17. DV, If you come back here, check the post after this one. Don't know if it answers the specific question you asked, but it addresses it. Your response to that should be interesting.

    And btw, I agree that keeping the races feeling unfriendly toward one another is the modus operandi of the top tier. This strategy is as old as slavery, when white peasants aka indentured servants were misled to believing they could be the mastah one day.

    One of my cyber friends, Macon D, who is white, concluded long before Tim Wise did that most whites are just the equivalent of house Negros, with as little change of ever becoming rich.

    I don't know if I'll ever understand why so many billionaires in power are so stingy. It's not like they can spend all their money in their lifetime or their grandkids either.


Hi, this is Kit.

I haven't posted since summer 2010, and comment moderation has been on for a very long time.

My old blogger friends (you know who you are) are welcome to email me.

I can be reached at: