Men, what emotions do you think you'd feel and do when a girlfriend you really love gets pregnant, and you want to keep it but she doesn't? She already has one baby. She tells you she's going to abort your baby and return to her ex, who happens to be the father of her first baby that you've come love like your own.
Then later, you learn from her myspace page at a friend's house - since you two are no longer friends on that site - that she had a second baby... and give or take a month, it seems to be right around the time yours was due.
However, unlike her first child, there are no pics of it.
Yeah. I might be a grandmother.
Or might not. In 2007, my son's ex, Stephanie, was digging on my son Xavier until her baby's father got out of jail. All three of them were 19 and clueless about good adult decision-making in general. I try not to judge them harshly, because I was also pretty stupid at that age, and as I wrote about that situation in this compelling article, I hate the number 19.
My best guess is that she wished upon a star this unborn baby would be fathered by Boyfriend #1. The short story is she still had feelings for him, along with a child, which was a major factor in her wanting to try it again. The mystery question later became was she juggling both guys before she got pregnant, or after she said told Xavier he had gotten her pregnant?
Or a worse scenario: The pill she took to induce the abortion didn't work, and she changed her mind rather than go through with it again. That would be tragic, because if so, that kid, regardless of the father, is probably physically messed up, which could be one explanation why it's pic isn't on her myspace page.
The possibility of the missing baby pics on her myspace could be she remembers how enraged my son became when she
I learned this in the summer, when I was up to my neck in problems from my now ex-landlord and at the tail end of a mid-life crisis.
I asked him then, "Whatcha gonna do?"
"Nothing. After what I went through, she'll just make me crazy again."
Given that the whole family was already bugging out from wondering where we'd be living soon, I dropped it.
Last week he mentioned it again. The house we live in now was made for fun. Cozy patio and nice backyard, and perfect for entertaining and cookouts. He's had a new girlfriend over a month and is happy more days than not. On one of those not days, he brought it up again.
"I've always wanted to be a father," he said quietly. "I wonder if that baby is mine."
I instantly knew what he was talking about, then thought of how he got laid off from his job last week, and then how when you've got a lot extra free time, you have more time to think about the things that matter.
"Are you going to try to find out?", I asked.
With a somewhat sad, yet wise finality in his voice, he said, "She knows how to find me."
He also knows he has no money to support it if it his child. That must hurt. Since he's not stupid and needs his pride to function well, I didn't mention it.
I think of how differently men and women talk about the more painful and tough issues, at least many of the ones I've known and worked with in my life. Most young women, including myself before I learned better, think that if they were the guy in that situation, they'd be openly dissecting that ish from every angle, the conversation would go on for hours, and probably with several people. Tears, tissue, and followup talks, are a given.
But men ain't women.
10/02/2009 Addendum: I kept this post short, but to understand it better, please read Hard Rocks Love 6: Abortion Blues. It's one of my best and most compelling articles. It tells how abortion touched my family over three generations, including Xavier. You'll find his story in Chapters 1-9, and 25-28 plus the Epilogue.