Thursday, January 1, 2009
So, if you got nobody, are you glad that New Year's Eve and New Year's Day are over?
Don't everybody answer at once now.
Fat chance of that. I ain't gonna lie to you. Not having a significant other or a date or a BFF to be with on those two days are a drag... at least for me and a lot of folks I know and have known, clients included.
It can also be embarrassing. Maybe I'm projecting, but I think a lot of bloggers and readers of blogs have been so quiet so everyone would think were busy.
No, not busy working, but busy having fun, fun, fun! Making love, hanging out with at relatives, chilling with friends, dancing, singing, partying, you know the expectations. If you've had a blast, I'm truly happy for you.
However, I like to keep it trill, so I won't lie to y'all. I ain't had shit to do last night or today. Sucks for me. Some years are like that.
I was actually jealous of one of my best friends. Two years ago he began taking Salsa dancing lessons and also encouraged me to. In my narrow mind I couldn't fathom me doing this. I hadn't grown up around it and it wasn't part of my culture or time period.
Oh how times change. Bro can Salsa his azz off now, and had all kinds of party invitations last night from friends he made in his classes and a date.
*Mental Note: Learn Salsa in 2009*
And I have no boyfriend. Have a fella I'd love to love but it never panned out. Lots of mutual liking and respect mixed with occasional flirting, but it just never kick started.
As they say, it be's that way sometime. I can rationalize that he works long hours, has custody of a teen nephew and his elderly, mentally deteriorating mother and her husband live with him, so he's got a lot folks to help.
But if I've learned anything in life, it's that when someone is really into you, they make time for you. Somehow, some way, they find a way. When they don't, for the sake of your own sanity and self-esteem, let it go.
And my friends and relatives had plans or were out of town.
So there sat I, lonesome but not lonely, on New Years Eve and New Years Day.
What a contrast to just before and during Christmas, which was nice and added to my collection of memories that I'll enjoy when I get really old and hit the rocking chair.
My 20 year old son, on the other hand, has been lonesome, lonely and irritable during this time. He's flat broke, which affected his pride. He had girls calling him beginning on the 30th, but I'd hear hear him mumble he was "stuck with relatives".
That would be my boring azz.
Xavier was realling hoping to find a house party, but none materialized. His homeboyz were just as lonesome or broke, calling to find a free place to celebrate. He finally left out here around 10 PM yesterday to meet up with a guy who'd get him in free at a club.
To his credit, he did not return home tipsy, drunk, or smelling of weed. He was still lonesome today as he had no invites, and slept through most of it to avoid dealing with his boredom.
My 13 year old daughter, on the other hand, is still partying. Cassie jet out of here early yesterday and ain't coming back home until tomorrow. She's always had a ton of friends and even more since she made the cut for the girl's basketball team. I imagine they're driving somebody's mother nuts with their giggling, music and girly stuff. Hats off to the New Year's success story in my fam.
To move this essay to a deeper level, what is it about being alone on a major holiday that is so difficult, even for single folks who are otherwise happy in their life?
I think again that it has to do with the expectations - and the symbolism. We live in a culture that places a high value on sharing special moments with lovers, friends, and/or family. Birthdays and special days of the year are widely advertised - and commercialized. We see happy faces on TV and ads, and usually know others who are having a good time - or at least pretending.
We ask ourselves, "Why not me? How'd I miss out? Aren't I just as nice and desirable as those folks?"
Yes, you probably are. Being all alone on particular days, however, can make a large number of people question their worth to others.
In case you don't know, one of the busiest days for in-patient psychiatric admissions at hospitals is Valentine's Day. I've seen a number of older teens and young adults become suicidal because their partner ignored or broke up with them "on that special day".
Eff that special day, especially if it could send you to your grave because it wasn't what you expected.
During these times when you find yourself alone - either physically alone or lonely with someone whose presence makes you lonely - you may feel out of the mix and ponder, WTF happened?
What happened is the luck of the draw.
While you were having the time of our life on some other days and oblivious to others who weren't, on this day you pulled the short straw.
*Mental note #2: develop more hobbies and interests with people beyond your cyberspace friends or boring or too busy real life friends so you'll have more long straws to pull.*
Happy New Year anyway.
We're gonna need all the happiness we can get, 'cause my prediction is that 2009 and 2010 are gonna be a bitch. Shit is so bad politically here and around the globe I'm hesitant to even write about what I really think about it.
For now, lemme just say this: I think our nation pulled the short straw - permanently.
Posted by Kit (Keep It Trill) at 10:05 PM