Thursday, January 1, 2009

Pulling The Short Straw On New Years

So, if you got nobody, are you glad that New Year's Eve and New Year's Day are over?

Don't everybody answer at once now.

Fat chance of that. I ain't gonna lie to you. Not having a significant other or a date or a BFF to be with on those two days are a drag... at least for me and a lot of folks I know and have known, clients included.

It can also be embarrassing. Maybe I'm projecting, but I think a lot of bloggers and readers of blogs have been so quiet so everyone would think were busy.

No, not busy working, but busy having fun, fun, fun! Making love, hanging out with at relatives, chilling with friends, dancing, singing, partying, you know the expectations. If you've had a blast, I'm truly happy for you.

However, I like to keep it trill, so I won't lie to y'all. I ain't had shit to do last night or today. Sucks for me. Some years are like that.

I was actually jealous of one of my best friends. Two years ago he began taking Salsa dancing lessons and also encouraged me to. In my narrow mind I couldn't fathom me doing this. I hadn't grown up around it and it wasn't part of my culture or time period.

Oh how times change. Bro can Salsa his azz off now, and had all kinds of party invitations last night from friends he made in his classes and a date.

*Mental Note: Learn Salsa in 2009*

And I have no boyfriend. Have a fella I'd love to love but it never panned out. Lots of mutual liking and respect mixed with occasional flirting, but it just never kick started.

As they say, it be's that way sometime. I can rationalize that he works long hours, has custody of a teen nephew and his elderly, mentally deteriorating mother and her husband live with him, so he's got a lot folks to help.

But if I've learned anything in life, it's that when someone is really into you, they make time for you. Somehow, some way, they find a way. When they don't, for the sake of your own sanity and self-esteem, let it go.

And my friends and relatives had plans or were out of town.

So there sat I, lonesome but not lonely, on New Years Eve and New Years Day.

What a contrast to just before and during Christmas, which was nice and added to my collection of memories that I'll enjoy when I get really old and hit the rocking chair.

My 20 year old son, on the other hand, has been lonesome, lonely and irritable during this time. He's flat broke, which affected his pride. He had girls calling him beginning on the 30th, but I'd hear hear him mumble he was "stuck with relatives".

That would be my boring azz.

Xavier was realling hoping to find a house party, but none materialized. His homeboyz were just as lonesome or broke, calling to find a free place to celebrate. He finally left out here around 10 PM yesterday to meet up with a guy who'd get him in free at a club.

To his credit, he did not return home tipsy, drunk, or smelling of weed. He was still lonesome today as he had no invites, and slept through most of it to avoid dealing with his boredom.

My 13 year old daughter, on the other hand, is still partying. Cassie jet out of here early yesterday and ain't coming back home until tomorrow. She's always had a ton of friends and even more since she made the cut for the girl's basketball team. I imagine they're driving somebody's mother nuts with their giggling, music and girly stuff. Hats off to the New Year's success story in my fam.

To move this essay to a deeper level, what is it about being alone on a major holiday that is so difficult, even for single folks who are otherwise happy in their life?

I think again that it has to do with the expectations - and the symbolism. We live in a culture that places a high value on sharing special moments with lovers, friends, and/or family. Birthdays and special days of the year are widely advertised - and commercialized. We see happy faces on TV and ads, and usually know others who are having a good time - or at least pretending.

We ask ourselves, "Why not me? How'd I miss out? Aren't I just as nice and desirable as those folks?"

Yes, you probably are. Being all alone on particular days, however, can make a large number of people question their worth to others.

In case you don't know, one of the busiest days for in-patient psychiatric admissions at hospitals is Valentine's Day. I've seen a number of older teens and young adults become suicidal because their partner ignored or broke up with them "on that special day".

Eff that special day, especially if it could send you to your grave because it wasn't what you expected.

During these times when you find yourself alone - either physically alone or lonely with someone whose presence makes you lonely - you may feel out of the mix and ponder, WTF happened?

What happened is the luck of the draw.

While you were having the time of our life on some other days and oblivious to others who weren't, on this day you pulled the short straw.

*Mental note #2: develop more hobbies and interests with people beyond your cyberspace friends or boring or too busy real life friends so you'll have more long straws to pull.*

Happy New Year anyway.

We're gonna need all the happiness we can get, 'cause my prediction is that 2009 and 2010 are gonna be a bitch. Shit is so bad politically here and around the globe I'm hesitant to even write about what I really think about it.

For now, lemme just say this: I think our nation pulled the short straw - permanently.


  1. The holidays can suck...especially the ones centered around romance.

    I agree with you as far as venturing outside of your circle. I'm gonna put that on my to-do list for this year. I need to stop limiting myself.

  2. Happy New Year anyway!
    Take Up Tai Chi!
    PS My Wife wants to Ballroom dance.
    I can't dance but hey I'm gonna do something with her. Dig?

  3. I'm single but I also work nights so I didn't really mind New Years Eve, I learned awhile back from a singles magazine, about creating your own traditons if you are by yourself on the holidays eventhough you feel like crying in your Eggnog Lite....LOL

  4. I keep tryna post a comment...

    if Crackbook was any indication, a whole host of folk were home on NYE... some of them alone. I guess it's that kind of year.

    I love salsa dancing. I don't do it well, but I keep trying and on my blog I forgot to mention that it's definitely a goal of mine to continue learning. Plus, salsa clubs are hellafun. Not quite the same "meat market" feel... I highly recommend you start.

    ...I'm glad I wasn't the only one home along...

  5. Excellent post! My husband's job is one in which he often works holidays and I sit at home sometimes with my young children imagining how much fun everyone else is having making memories and all that stuff. And you're absolutely right about making you question your worth to others. But you're also right in noting how much advertising goes into making you feel like holidays, even made up ones, *must* look and feel a certain way.

    Oh, and I certainly agree with you about this year. Find happiness wherever you can. (I'd love to read what you think about it!)

  6. Great post. I am married so technically I was not alone on the holidays. However I noticed this year how folks looked at me sadly when I mentioned we had no extended family to share the holidays with. My hubby's family is on the other side of the country and neither my Dad or bro were financially able to get here to visit me.

    That said, my family can be dysfunctional and annoying so I tried to see the positives in only been with the hubby and kids. (no one to drive me crazy)

    I do agree that in 2009 I would like to not limit myself and step out the box and create the support system I lack.

  7. Great post. I was alone on New Years Eve. I have a cold, so best not to hang out with peeps and being all contagious.

    But for the last 2 years I have skipped all holiday parties and what-not. The holidays are when I work like a dog, so any time I can get to relax by myself without too much stress and people, then that is quality time.

    With that said, I did enjoy some time with friends as family... pre-cold of course.

    Ugh. It's going to be interesting to see what's going to happen in 2009 politically.

  8. Good post, Kit, thank you, and hang in there! I hope you'll keep us posted on the results of Mental Note #2.

  9. I feel your pain. However, I made it a point to get out more last year and had surprised much of my family since to them I'm such a "homebody".

    This year I have several invitations to do things with others, and it is also nice to be able to expand more my social life.

    Being single is not bad.....I rather enjoy being by myself but I do miss "physical companionship" once in a while.

    I spent New Years napping, shopping online and basically taking myself out. No hangovers and no "It's time for you to go home" statements.

    It's nice having the best of both worlds.

  10. Honey,

    I gotta a man but he was in a different city. I was home and he was partying it up at the club. He called to wish me a Happy New Year, but I was still piss 'bout that shit.

    In fairness he did offer to bring me up New Years Eve but I had to work.

    Man, why you hating on the Salsa. Took classes years ago, need to take them again. But I'm gonna take full on Ballroom dancing classes, been wanting to do that for years.

    Girl, want a man gotta be proactive 'bout it...gotta get out and date, tell everyone you know u looking for a man and they will gladly match you up. Gladly.

    Yes. We have permanently chosen the short straw. Glad you finally came over to the dark side:-)

  11. This is an interesting topic.

    I've been quiet because I've been out of of the office and busy with faily, but I understand what you're saying about feeling bad around the holidays without someone to hang out with.

    Personally, I don't put too much stock in New Year's Eve or New Year's Day, but I've noticed that my wife sees both days as a big deal. When I was a kid, we were either in church on New Year's Eve or sleeping, so there was not big celebration. My wife on the other hand, always spent the night with her family and drank champagne, toasted each other and exchanged hugs and kisses. She was really disappointed when I went to sleep at 11 p.m. and wasn't interesting in watching the ball drop.

    Different strokes for different folks.

    Oh, and salsa sounds fun. Good exercise and a good way to meet people.

  12. I love the holidays..coupled or not and currently I am not.

    I love all the magic and wonder of the season. I love making resolutions. I love thinking that I will again be in love.

    2009 The World is MINE!

    Let love rule. The world cannot give us that...


  13. CLICK! It's a plot, Kit! Kodak, with it's "moments", and Hallmark, with it's sentiment-in-an-envelope, have worked me hard at times. Starting with the trifecta of lonesome-awareness: Thanksgiving, my birthday (12/22), then Christmas. And then, start the whole damn year off on the bad (or good) foot with New Year's Eve and the football fest known as New Year's day. DING! the timer went off. Time for my Stouffer's mac and cheese and the Bugs Bunny Marathon! Happy New Year and Keep it Trill for the thrill!

  14. I loved these responses and want to thank each and every one of you for taking the time to leave one. They ranged from funny, caring, and sharing.

    Mimi, I'm with you. A wider social circle is usually a good thing.

    Mista Jaycee, Tai Chi! Hmmm, lemme take a guess... that's your hobby. ;)

    Kim, I love self-made traditions. Mine is quietly celebrating the days I adopted my two kids. They don't even know I do this. One day I'll tell them. Cheers.

    Sagacious, I smiled and chuckled when I read your comment!

    Bear Maiden, No, you weren't hardly the only one home, lol. I actually wondered if folks wouldn't leave comments on this and think 'loser', but risked it anyway. LOL! And yeah, what you said about Salsa is the same thing my friend did - not that meat market flavor.

    Chi-Chi, Thank you, and yeah, the ads do a head trip on so many of us.

    Black Girl In Maine, Agreed, and just uploaded on new post sorta on this need for a greater social support circle in 2009 due to necessity.

    Lady Lee, Thank you, and I hope your cold is better soon.

    Macon, Thank you, and will do on Mental Note #2!

    Mango Butta Queen, It wasn't pain like loneliness, although I've had that before as we all have. I was just lonesome. I like solitude but I would have been game for an outing. So it goes...

    JJ, Yeah girl, I'm feelin' ya. And lol, I ain't hating on Salsa; just wasn't part of the 80s & 90s thing in my neck of the woods. It is now though, and it's time for me check it out.

    Big Man, Did you use that magic word, exercise? Hmmm. Never even thought of Salsa like that, but you're right.

    Lovebabz, "Let love rule. The world cannot give us that... I love the way you word things... words to live by. Thank you.

    Cruel Hand Uke, Oh man, I laughed good with that! You cracked me up. Thank you.

  15. let us make a pact to both have significant others by valentines. yes? yes! hearts youuuu!!

  16. Happy New Year

    Yes. I know that I am late to the party.

  17. I've done quite a few lonesome New Year's Eves too, but these occasions rarely live up to the hype and expectations. This year will probably be worse, because I won't even have TV. I'll probably sleep through, hoping for a more exciting thing next year.
    Someone should come up with a single person emergency New Year's kit. I propose: Martini, Virginia Slims, chocolates, a foot bath, magazines, and DVDs of trash TV.


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