Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Hard Rocks Love - Lesson 2:
No One Can Possibly Meet All Your Needs

No one can possibly meet all of your needs.

The reverse is true too. Above is what I call a Compatibility Needs Chart to help you understand why. Like the the Social Dating & Mating chart yesterday, I couldn't find one to convey today's message on the Internet, so made up my own.

This one breaks down most of the basic needs people have, and it's useful to compare yours with someone you're interested in or involved with.

Think of this chart as a pie - but remember that the slices are never equal. For example, one section could be large and another very small. You can assess your own needs and also add your own slices, such as your parenting style if or when you have kids.

This is useful in comparing yours to a potential boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse. Do the two of you have compatible needs and styles?

Emotional & Temperament Compatibility

As a couple, are the two of you comfortable with each other's inborn and basic temperament?

Here are a few examples. Some people are stoic. They don't cry easily or are given to drama. Others are very expressive and wear their feelings on their sleeve. This may or may not work out, depending what the other person craves in a partner.

Some people are naturally quiet. They can spend an evening saying very little and prefer a quiet partner too. Others need lots of conversation, and are uncomfortable with silence. There are plenty of successful 'mixed' couples, however, and wouldn't have it any other way.

Some folks are spur of the moment. They'll pack a suitcase in a heartbeat and head for the beach or last minute invitation. Others need to plan and don't like quick and unexpected changes.

There are those who live for today and don't plan. They don't save money, their credit cards are smokin' hot, and they don't make long-term plans for career. They are entirely comfortable living like this. Others would never dream of this lifestyle and consider it dangerous. This type of couple often has a lot of conflict.

Visual Pleasure, Sex Drive, and Sexual Style in bed

Never underestimate visual pleasure. Before we want something, except for the blind, we usually have to see it.

Some people have a need to maximize their appearance. They even want their pets to look good, like Rainbow Poodle above or a muscled out Doberman dog named Killah. These folks look great most of the time, and often prefer this in a mate, but not always. Others are strictly casual, jeans and tee shirts, or even slobs, and dislike dressing up.

If one person needs their lover to have that certain look to light their fire, and their lover rarely satisfies the other's need for visual pleasure, they have a compatibility problem in this area, particularly if one was a certain way in the beginning, but slacked off as the relationship wore on.

Their lover is likely to feel betrayed if the other makes little or no effort to stay in shape, or the opposite situation where suddenly one gets in shape and starts dressing up. I'll have a whole article about couples who had that on their plate next week.

People vary in their sex drive. Some have an enormous sexual appetite. They literally cannot study, focus on their work or anything else until it is satisfied. This hits teens and the 20s crowd the hardest, and for many, is a contributing factor for low grades.

Blame Mother Nature disguised as our hormones, commanding us to seek a mate and reproduce. A strong sex drive is not evil, although the Puritanical streak in our culture paints its so, while the hedonistic side of our society will exploit it.

Some people have low sex drives and cannot understand why others or their partner is always ready to get naked and do the wild thing. They can go days, weeks, months, even years without having sex or even masturbating. As people age, they tend to 'forget' what it felt like to be all juiced up all the time. Ask a woman in her 30s who has been given a fertility-inducing medication. If she's honest, she'll tell you she hasn't been this horny in 15 or 20 years.

Sexual style and compatibility in bed is important in determining compatibility. A lot of people love to fuck off and on all night, every night, especially when they're young, while others are ready to quit way sooner and content with getting laid once or twice a week.

Some people like the kind of sex you see in porn movies, where anything goes. Then there are those won't do oral sex, or only be on the receiving end. Others may reject sex toys, anal sex, threesomes, sex parties, etc. People have widely varying comfort levels in bed, and when one needs one type of sex that the other rejects, their pie charts ain't overlapping and they have problems in that section.

Need for Entertainment and/or Physical Activities

The couch potato with the athletic type who can't sit still and wants a partner to jog with or go camping, swimming, etc. runs the risk of becoming bored with one another.

This is true of the party animal paired up with someone who hates going out socially. Or sometimes, they share little in common with what they like to do for entertainment. One has to be dragged, kicking and screaming, to bowling events while the other will hide rather blow a day at a museum.

Nearly all couples have activities they like that the doesn't, but if they can't find a common ground of fun things to do together, that's less pleasure in the relationship and ultimately can hurt it.

Intellectual Interests, Curiosity and Humor

Some people discover after the sexual excitement has been satisfied that they have little to talk about, or if you do talk, your style of communication is so different that misunderstandings are common, and you may even accuse each other never meaning what they say or never saying what they mean.

Another indicator of compatibility is do the two of you laugh at the same things?

This is more important than you might think. A little laughter each day is a major stress reducer and can smooth over a lot of the hard times couples encounter. If one is annoyed at another's sense and style of humor, that's a wet blanket on the relationship.

Folks with widely different educational backgrounds find happiness all the time, and the key really isn't education but knowledgeability about issues the two think are important.

I believe that a well-rounded education benefits most people, but college isn't the only avenue to this.

Some of the smartest people you'll ever meet never got past high school but read the paper and learned a skill. There are folks out there selling cars and houses (before the economy nosed dived) who only have HS diplomas but the make a mint.

Aside from specific technical and professional information, you can learn more from keeping up with the world, national and local news, style, and sports section in a paper than in college. Many college kids graduate and don't know jack about the world or their profession beyond the textbooks.

Tip to college students: Take half hour a day to review the world and information related to your chosen profession. You'll have an advantage in job interviews, because you can drop names and trends in the conversation.

But let's look at 'smarts'. It isn't all that important to a lot of people, and they don't need, care or want to talk about a lot of worldly shit. This can include black issues. They just want go to work, get paid, come home and relax and have fun when they can.

They might enjoy conversations about sports, celebrities, fashion, what so and so's been doing, or a hobby like music, gardening and fixing cars.

Doesn't mean their IQ is lower than the other person, although it could if there's an overall dullness about them. More likely is that they're tuned out to other conversations because they feel like they're not part of it ('it' being the system and world events), nor have any control or power over it, so why bother being concerned about it?

Thus, if one person has a need for 'smart' discussions, i.e., intellectual stuff, and the other is bored to tears by this, their pie charts don't match up. Over the long term, one usually gets bored or downright resentful if the other tries to change them.

Ambition and Economics

Traditionally, this was the man's role, to be ambitious enough to get a job and the best job possible. Black families, however, have always needed both partners to work, and now, most white American families have to, to pay the bills.

Women still have a strong bias against men who sit on their ass eating cereal and playing video games all day (and if you can't tell, I'm one). This is generally true even if she's working and he's taking care of the baby, and if the couple doesn't mind this arrangement, you can bet their family and friends have plenty to say about it.

Historically, people view men not fulfilling their role as being the hunter or farmer and able to bring home dinner. He is low in the hierarchy or totem pole, and disposable since he's viewed as useless.

When men are doing fantastically well, most don't mind if their wife doesn't work, particularly if they have children. But what if she has a real career and doesn't want to stop working, and he hates his babies in daycare? Their values and expectations clash.

Spiritual and/or Religious

I'm not using the two words interchangeably. One can feel deeply spiritual and connected to God without ever setting foot in a church or attending only on holidays.

Some folks are not religious or spiritual, and not only do they not need this in a partner, they don't want it. It's not a slice on their chart, but they may or may not care if it's on yours, as long as your don't force it on them.

Others need religion. They may be peripherally involved with church or attend regularly and play life by the Book in a very orthodox or even rigid way.

The biggest mistake a friend of mine made years ago was giving up a woman he really, truly loved because she couldn't agree to go to church with him every single Sunday. This is so important to him that he had to have this and no compromise of I'll go once a month could satisfy him.

Hardly anyone understood this, even her. He grieved for nearly a year over the loss of this relationship and is still single. He's hardly alone. Disagreement over religion and/or how to raise any children in terms of their spiritual or religious upbringing is one of the top reasons couples break up.

In summary, we can have different styles and interests and still have a successful relationship, but it's harder.

When you think of your past loves that failed, beyond the "he/she did me wrong", ask yourself how much overlapping there was on your mutual Compatibility Needs Chart.

And like the photo below, and despite who did what to who, was one of you like a cow trying to swim with a dolphin?


I'll upload a new Hard Rocks Love installment soon, but wanted to lay down this ground work first. Hope you enjoyed this.

~ Kit

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Hard Rocks Love
Lesson 1: Evolution Is A Bitch

I have been toying with the idea for the past week or two of doing a series of articles on love - it's loss and sometimes success.

Something sad happened to both an old girlfriend of mine and my son in the past few days. Love hit the rocks and hit hard. I was inspired to write about what I know, not just about their experience, but many of us. While most of the upcoming stories will be about heterosexuals, I'll do some about gay folks too.

Today is the first of several installments.

~ Kit


Someone once said that the only true love in the world is the love of a dog for it's master, and the love of child by it's mother.

This isn't completely true, but may feel like it when love or something we think was love burns us and leaves us bitter.

Let's begin with this Dating & Marriage Pyramid diagram. I saw something like this back in social work school in the 80s, but couldn't find one on the web, so I did my own.
Click on the photo to enlarge.

Historically, the most successful men, and men in general, have more dating and mating choices since they run things.

Men at the top can marry anyone on their socio-economic, educational age level and downwards without criticism.

Our socio-biology at work:
Actor Ben Kingsley, 63, marries gorgeous Brazilian waitress, 34
Can you actually imagine the reverse happening?
Sure you can, but it rarely does.

If men at lower levels have charm, or the women in the group one step above have too few options, they can even move up a level. This is commonly seen after a war when many men have been killed, or in the ghetto warzones of our cities.

What these men can't do without getting some serious frowns is marrying a woman somewhat older than himself (like five or more years), or a significantly younger woman, and I mean significantly, as in, 60 marrying 20.

Like it or not, and complain and disagree with me all the hell you want, but the reverse is generally true for women.

For example, a 45 year old, well-paid professional man can date and wed a 25 year old file clerk. Folks might snicker but they'll also give him a pat on the back for getting that young stuff - unless she's categorized as a brainless slut after his money. Even then a lot folks will shrug.

I knew a bus driver through family of family who married a woman half his age. He loved young women in their 20s and made no apologies for it. He he owned a small house, worked hard, and drank beer after work but wasn't an alcoholic. I mention this because she was on crack and homeless. He told his friends he liked whores, but most of them already knew this.

This was good, because she was a prostitute. She looked so fine that his friends thought it was okay, at least until she ran his finances into the ground from rehabs that didn't work, and then she ran off with a dealer.

What's interesting is that she was at the bottom of pyramid, but because she was young and super-attractive, she had options despite her drug problems.

The only thing different about this couple and the Ben Kingsley example is that the young woman had serious drug problem that led her into the street life.

Otherwise Mother Nature ruled: an older, but still virile male, sought out a fertile female. We don't think of it this way because we ain't supposed to - it's unconscious - but it drives our behavior.

A 45 year old woman who dates and marries a man who is even ten years younger will be the butt of joke after joke, and folks will call her a fool to her behind her back and even to her face. They'll assume he's after her money, because why wouldn't he be dating women his own age or younger? If they're both professionals with money, people will still be suspicious of the motivations.

Aside from the bus driver example above, people generally assume that 45 year old guy marrying a 30 year old woman are lucky to find each other and are in love.

Evolution Is A Bitch

In the ever-serious mating game where the age old rule for all species is reproduce or become extinct, most of us have the same unconscious urges as our ancestors.

This rule is hard-wired into our brains. It is unconscious, and the reason that the sex drive is second only to the appetite for food. Even when we make conscious decisions to use birth control or not have children, the sex drive is still fueled by the this biological command of nature.

Evolution designed women to not be as physically strong or fast as men, and again, I'm speaking generalities, since we all know at least one woman who can beat a man senseless in a fight.

Pregnancy makes women more physically vulnerable. Historically, they needed men to protect them and the children, to hunt and fish and farm for the food.

As One, by WAK

Nature designed men with the muscle, speed and aggression to compete with other men, but also to help them to keep women safe from roving bands of other males who would rape and even kidnap them for their own village or tribe. This was true of every race and culture, and in some places, still is.

A pregnancy is a long term commitment for the female. She has the primary responsibility of raising that child. In the past 1/3 of a million years of mankind walking the earth, it was in her best interest to find a male who would be her man, and he needed to trust that she was the mother of his children.

For hundreds of thousands of years, life was brutal. Resources were thin. If the name of evolutionary game to reproduce, a male failed in this if he spent his energy and life providing for children he thought was his but weren't.

This is why virginity has always been a big deal in cultures that understood the connection between sex and pregnancy.

A woman needed a male with some kind of skill and was able to command at basic respect from other males, otherwise they might set him up and she and any children become vulnerable to starvation, abuse, etc.

Mother Nature hasn't caught up with our technological advances of the past century. People live to their 70s and above in Western nations, whereas in the past, you'd probably be dead by forty.

In particular, the past 40 years of reliable birth control and women not depending on men for income and protection has caused lots of confusion in the ways our brains are hardwired to date and mate.

For men, the unconscious drive is being attracted to healthy-looking women of child-bearing age, and to have sex. Lots of it, and the more the merrier, so he can spread his seed. It fuels his sexual behavior and applies even if he hates kids and uses condoms religiously.

It's also a reason why they cheat more often than women and get annoyed when she makes too big a deal about it - especially if they aren't married. He may say he's sorry, but he's really sorry he got caught, especially if the woman he really likes puts him on punani punishment.

From a strictly biological and evolutionary standpoint
, it's a waste of energy and time for a fertile human being to mate with an infertile human being. Women who appear to be past 40 years old or so, and men in their 60s fall into this group.

Thank God we are more than animals and aren't enslaved to our primal urges. We have the capacity to be companions and enjoy sex well into our old age.

In terms of dating, however, look around and see who gets asked out and who doesn't, then look at the age the women and men who get the parts in movies, videos, and commercials.

The name of the game is fertility and virility, and this is hardly new, although it's a helluva lot more exploited because it mirrors the human heart and sells products.

Here's a funny snippet from my life. My daughter Casie can pass for 15 or 16 because she's tall and shapely. Earlier this year, she came home where me and my nephew were sitting.

"I can't believe it," she pouted. "Every time I walk down the street now, a bunch of guys blow their horns at me, even when they're driving on the other side of the street!"

I said, "That used to happen to me all the time too! It still does...


"...but now they're blowing their horns for me to move out the way..."

We all cracked up laughing. Why? Because there's truth in humor. Ain't a soul under 50 looking my way, and even then, chances are there's someone 35 standing behind me.

I'm used to it. It's life, and I had my fun. With a lot of luck, maybe I'll have some more fun with neat guy my age or older before I qualify as the crypt-keeper.

Me, in about 25 years

As you see, he'll need a sense of humor. But back to guys. A whole bunch of 'em will lie about their feelings to get sex 'cause unlike most of us, they'll willingly wander to our neighborhood where they know they'll get jumped if seen by the haters if this means getting laid. Men start wars over pussy, so that one would lie with a simple, I love you, too is grade school stuff for them.

When they do fall in love, however, it's usually unexpected and they fall hard. They'll fight to get it if they want it bad enough, and they'll fight to keep it.

Young girls can be shameless in exploiting this. I was one. This unconscious twist of the mind can catch you off guard. One memorable incident was when I was 18 or 19 and had a boyfriend in his mid-20s. I don't remember what these three big-azzed niggas in a car said to me when me and my man where getting out of a car, but I started shit. The driver was ready to get out. My 5'9" boyfriend quickly walked over to him and laid his hand on the guy's shoulder before he could open his door.

"We don't have a problem," boyfriend growled. "She's young, so let's just let it go and ignore this."

The guy shrugged away. "Just don't touch me again and we'll be fine," he growled back.

Boyfriend was mad as hell at me and bitched all the way in the house that in a three against one fight, he'd have been in trouble, while I giggled like an idiot.

"I'm so proud of you! You weren't even scared! Let's do it!"

Off came my clothes and he was rewarded for being an alpha dog.

I often think I should've married that man. He was not only brave, smart, and could handle himself well with other men, but he could put up with my stupidity and primal need to test him. You'd think he'd dump me for some shit like this. Instead he wanted to marry me.

For better or worse, I bought into my father's propaganda that I was too young for this and had to get an edu-ma-cation. I chickened out and ran off to college.

*shakes head at parental cock-blocking that has ruined many a relationship*

For women, the unconscious goal is to find a male on her pyramid level or higher to call her own. Her challenge is to win him over with the idea that loving and committing to her is in his best interests.

Women as a group are correct about this. Humanity would have never survived if all men refused to settle down and make a commitment to their family.

A hit it and quit it attitude about sex would have led to our extinction. The children would have starved to death, because we were hunter-gatherers long before there was women's equality in the workplace and social safety nets for unmarried women with children or orphans.

We see nature's dating and mating game getting played out, over and over, and Mother Nature doesn't give a hoot if it makes us unhappy.

"Men ain't shit. They just want one thing."

"Women are all gold-diggers."

There's truth to this, but both sexes lie to get what they think they need and want.

Women lie with their appearance. Butt-naked, most of us don't look much like we do when we're all dressed up with our makeup and hair fixed pretty and our nails done and smelling sweet and inviting.

The ladies also lie about the number of sex partners they've had (if they have good sense) because intuitively they hear the drumbeat from hundreds of thousands of years ago that most men don't trust or want women who have a lot of "mileage."

Men lie about their wealth and skills until they actually get it. Even boys figure out early that the girls don't want no broke ass brotha who can't do jack. This is true in the 'hood or the white suburbs. The guys either work on their game or front like they have one.

Both sexes have a sense that love is great, but disappointments in relationships often bring about deep sorrow and bitterness.

In these times, the financially unsuccessful guy is the extremely vulnerable in love relationships. We all know what the ladies say about him:

He's too poor... uneducated... works a shit job... doesn't have a car...
it's too embarrassing, my friends will think I'm crazy if I get serious about him!

While men get hurt over their lack of earning power and material possessions, women get penalized for this and more:

She's not pretty enough... got kids... too fat... not young enough... is more educated than me... makes more money than me... it's too embarrassing, my friends will laugh and I'll look bad!

Or in general for both sexes:

He or she is the wrong class, color, religion... not smart enough or too smart... I met him/her in da club so I can't get serious 'cause you know what they say about that... They live too far away and it's a three or four hour drive so it's probably not worth the energy, gas and time...

What are they really talking about? The pyramid.

How The Dating-Marriage Pyramid Affects Black Women

A lot of sistahs have it a harder than women of other races. When you look at the pyramid above, it's easy to understand why. Social conditions that are oppressive to blacks hit black males the hardest. I don't need to go into all this because you already know what they are.

The result is that fewer black males make it to the upper half of the pyramid and many don't even make it to the second layer from the bottom. This presents a real problem for the black professional woman with a college degree and good income.

The men who are born into or climb to level 2 or 3 (or rarely, 4), have of options of dating a wide variety of women outside of his race.

While people say black women should date non-black men as a solution, white men who do date outside of their race often have an ABB approach: anything but black. It not offensive to me because I think people should date whoever they want, but as black woman, it used to be painful when I'd see this on dating sites.

Thus, each time a black man 'defects', that's one less brotha in the available pool for black women.

In an equal dating situation, a woman could recover a little faster from an relationship gone bad and could find a new man quickly, you know, like in high school. But it's not equal as black folks become young adults. A lot of men don't finish school, are poor employed or unemployed, go off to war, die in the 'hood, get locked up in droves from laws stacked against them, decide they're gay, get strung out on drugs... the list is long and sad, so getting dumped hurts longer because it takes longer to find a new mate.

With the excess number of black women to date and option for dating whites and Latinos, guys can be much more casual about dating. They can also take their time since the biological clock is on their side.

I have a one boring-assed male friend from college. He's a successful writer, and even that's boring. The dumbass even votes Republican, plus he's cheap. This is why we never evolved beyond platonic study friends in college. We chat once a year for old times sake.

Anyway, he and his wife split a year or two ago, and this man, who would put God to sleep, has a horde of women wanting to go out with him. He's not the least bit interested in steady relationship and marriage is out of the question. There are quite a few older guys out there just like him.

Ladies, you don't have that luxury to blow time with someone like him if you're seriously interested having a child, or even if you only want husband. For most women, the older you get, the fewer options you have.

There are so many women out there wanting male companionship and sex that quite a few men no longer play the pretend game of saying they love you when they really mean they love to be with you.

I actually respect this. It beats the hell out being deceived by another or yourself. If you can't handle the truth, stay the hell away from them. If you're not sure, ask. Your job is to find out the difference and what he really means if you're serious.

This suggestion applies to men too - especially the ones on the lower level of the social class pyramid but dating up. A lot of these women will wear your dick out and toss you and your heart out the second someone in their class or above comes along.

Back to the ladies. Like it or not, most men don't tie sex with commitment or love to sex, at least not in the beginning. I'm speaking generalities here, folks, so don't get pissy about it, and it ain't my fault.

In my view, this doesn't make men morally inferior or make women morally superior. It just is. It's a difference in every culture, which suggests the root is biology. Men love to be loved, but when it comes to sex, for the majority, it's not a necessary ingredient for a good time, particularly when they're young.

There are lots of women who feel the same way, and I've been there myself, but in general, women get attached more easily when they've found a guy they like.

When men get attached, they're more likely to go nuts when their woman leaves them. This is easily found in crime statistics, and I'm pretty certain they'll show up in actual suicide statistics too. They're also more likely to leave their woman if she cheats on them with another man. Many can't get past it. God knows women grieve hard over this too, but they're much more like to forgive and stay, at least the first time... or two... or ten... or one hundred.

Statistics and pyramids aside, a lot of things equal out once a couple is in a loving relationship, but even then, as Stevie Wonder sings in the song below, All Is Fair In Love.

At least this is how Mother Nature sees it.


Two more Hard Rocks Love installments coming this week unless the country or economy goes to hell in a handbasket and I need to write about that. Next one by early Thursday, and I'll do quite a few in August and beyond if you like them. Unlike this one, others will focus less on theory and more on people I know or have known, men and women, and their stories.


Although my blog is only about three months old, it's been getting a decent about lot of traffic, but not a lot of comments when generally compared to those run by men. I find this strange in the black blogging world and suspect it's true among the rest too.

Is this part of our socio-biology, too? For example, if this article was posted at (you fill in the blank), would you be more inclined to leave a comment? And if so, why? I have some ideas, but I'd like to hear yours.

Thus, please share a few thoughts about this article and others in the future, and many thanks of appreciation to those who have in the past.

~ Kit

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Ideas Worth Spreading

Have you ever been on a successful diet but the people who see you every day can barely tell you've trimmed down? Then you run into someone who hasn't seen you in months.

"Oh my God!," they shriek. "Look at you! You must have lost 20 or 30 pounds!"

You grin with pleasure, then wish those to closer to you would have this excitement over the day-to-day tiny changes of your body instead of waiting until your clothes are hanging off.

Such has been the changes in the body of our society this past year. We are mutating into something entirely different than anything any of us have grown up with.

America has lost weight, and many more pounds will drop off by next year this time. We are simply unable to continue doing business the same way we always have.

Yesterday, two more large banks were closed - The First National Bank of Nevada and The First Heritage Bank. As with IndyMac Bank, the FDIC came to the rescue of account holders.

Each rescue eats up around 10% of all the FDIC's money. With these additional two banks being closed, we can assume another 20% is gone. In a nutshell, the FDIC is losing weight too. Since 90 banks are in trouble, it will only take several more to fail before not a single person's or business bank account is protected.

Entropy is a bitch. What's that, you ask? Entropy is social decline and degeneration. That's why everything is falling apart - wars, banks, housing market, airlines, health insurance, gas and food prices, increased crime in response to all this, and our economy being thin and getting thinner by the day.

I've covered all this in recent articles, so no need to dwell further on our immediate doom and gloom future.

Today, I'll take you into a forward-looking view of surviving a post-entropy world.

This video will give you an idea of what it will take to salvage what's left and collectively rebuild a new way of life after gas and food is barely affordable, and we live with the actual cash we have rather than on credit. It describes the kind of place that's worth living in, and chances are, it won't be a sprawling metropolitan area or suburb where you can't afford to drive to work and back.

Be warned - it's about 18 minutes, but James Kunstler was at his best and very entertaining. Give him a couple minutes to warm up before you give up if you aren't used to these kinds of presentations, and when he starts joking about the curvature of the earth, it rolls from there.

While it ain't comedy, he will make you laugh. Jim's track record for predicting the mess this country is impeccable, and I trust his ideas about solutions are worth spreading. So now, here's something entirely new and different:

Prayer From A Black Man

"Lord - Protect my family and me. Forgive me my sins, and help me guard against pride and despair. Give me the wisdom to do what is right and just. And make me an instrument of your will."

I love this prayer, and love it more since it was private and not meant to be shared with me. It was in writing, and I stumbled across it tonight.

I am on a journey with this man. There have been some rocky moments as there always are when you travel with someone else. You don't always agree with a travel companion to which path should be taken. There have been times when I've wondered and worried if the journey will end in colossal disappointment.

His face is intelligent and kind. I artsied up one of his photos and use it as a screensaver. I like his voice, too, and his words are like music. My children like him. As a family we look up to him.

Does his plea to the Creator give insight into his soul? Does his choice of words show he is really no different from me (or you), who shares the same worries about despair and pride, and wanting wisdom and guidance in doing the right thing, from the same God, in hope and faith that He will answer?

The eyes of another watched him when he wrote this prayer, folded it neatly and placed it in a place that has the same tradition of don't read other people's stuff like the Vietnam Memorial in Washington, DC, where there are over 50,000 names of the dead carved on a very, very long wall.

The curious and relatives visit and sometimes leave letters, flowers, mementos. I've even seen a pack of Twinkies there when I went several times many years ago to see the name of a cousin. Other visitors are not supposed to touch them, although security collects them. Other than perishables, they do not dispose of them.

Someone, however, took this man's prayer note and published it. Maybe they wanted recognition for this, maybe they earned a few bucks, or maybe they were just curious. Whatever their motivation, learning what he said to God touched me.

So who is this man who wrote this prayer and left it in one of the many cracks in the Jerusalem's holiest Wailing Wall, where it is sacrilegious to touch or read another person's words to God?

He's the man who many individuals and families are traveling with in an amazing journey. Not only in America, but in many other countries too. I was surprised to learn the other day that a crowd of nearly a quarter million citizens in Germany came to greet and cheer him. Even they are on the path he is leading.

None of us want any more walls.

I learned to be cautious of the words and motivations of others. For whatever reason, however, Barack Obama's prayer rings true.

I hope God answers it.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Today's Pseudo-Impeachment Hearing

Addendum to this post added this evening.

The Impeachment Hearings are today at 10AM EST. C-SPAN will televise and Pacifica Radio will air it.

On June 9th, one of our best senators, Dennis Kucinich submitted 35 Articles of Impeachment against President George W. Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney, and other top White House officials.

You can view each criminal charge against him at the end of my June article, May They All Fall Like Dominoes.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (Democrat) is the most powerful woman in America. If Bush and Cheney were impeached, she'd be running things.

Pelosi has always said the issue was off the table. Kucinich's recent attempt wasn't the first but did add on more articles. Cynthia McKinney, (currently the Green Party Presidential nominee), was the first to try to get an impeachment hearing.

As I recall, Pelosi expressed the view it was "partisan politics". In laymen's terms, this means the Dems got a feud against the Repubs, rather than the case against Bush actually having any merit. Neither she nor a number of Democrats in Congress or the Senate wanted a full House vote on impeachment.

Kucinich, however, called for an emergency congressional meeting when he submitted the Articles of Impeachment. He will testify today and have at least one mystery witness.

Pelosi passed the buck to John Conyers to handle it. He's the Judiciary Committee chair and is overseeing this. At today's hearing, he has only allowed testimony and a modified review the alleged crimes of what he calls the Imperial Presidency of George W. Bush.

Conyers has been described as the man with the power to pull the trigger on impeachment but won't, since Congress isn't allowed to vote on it. I'm not sure if this was fully his decision since media coverage is so skimpy. That link has a solid overview of his history. He started off his career as a firebrand for everyone's rights but may end it as the man who killed any chance of impeaching a president who (you fill in the many blanks).

As it stands, Congress has no muscle today and will not be able to vote on impeachment this political session, which ends in a week or two. I suspect this suits them all fine, since nearly all are complicit in not opposing the war and all the horrors associated with it when they could have and funding it further when they didn't have to.

Then they'll go on their August vacations.


Addendum, Post-Hearing, 8 PM

The applause for Dennis Kucinich when he entered the room felt good. From the Democrats, he got a hero's welcome. Previous to the hearing, he said,

"Our Constitution is being destroyed. We are losing our nation to a war based on lies. I am determined to get this bill to committee for a hearing... The President has conducted the affairs of the nation in a manner which cries out for justice and it is the Constitutional obligation of Congress to check his wanton abuses of U.S. and international law."

Kucinich, courageous as ever, re-iterated this but also tied the trillions of dollars spent on the war to our economy crashing and burning.

John Conyers, who began the hearing and led it, appeared as though he slept poorly the night before. He explained that it technically it "wasn't an impeachment hearing, to the regret of many."

This suggests that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi had the power to keep the issue off the table and succeeded. If she was in the audience, I didn't see her.

Speaking of her power, next week Pelosi will kick off her book tour, "Know Your Power: A Message to America's Daughters."

Thanks to her, Bush & Co., Congress doesn't even have power to do a real impeachment hearing on the alleged high crimes or to vote him out of office. So why is Pelosi pedaling a fairytale that America's daughters could ever have power?

Don't answer; it's a rhetorical question.

Anyway, I concluded that Conyers deeply wants to protect rights of all citizens and our Constitution, but was hand-tied. If he wasn't, he gave this impression. He said Congress has the responsibility to examine the president's record and whether he has overstepped his authority, even if impeachment is apparently off the table.

This was great, if it's true that Conyers did what he could to not sell us out. It runs contrary to one article linked higher in this post which states he could have forced a vote. That wasn't the impression I got watching the hearing. Amazingly, I can't find much of anything about how much power he did or didn't have, beyond Pelosi stating 'it's off the table.' This is because all the mainstream media is ducking the event.

Numerous congresspersons spoke, generally alternating between a Democrat and a Republican. The GOP congressmen said they saw no evidence of wrong-doing by the President. Lamar Smith (R), the first red party congressman to speak, said the hearing was a waste of time since nothing would come it, and compared the hearing to "an anger management class."

It's after 6PM now and the news has ignored the hell of this story of historical proportions that some of our elected officials really tried.

Here are a couple of quotes I managed to scribble down from this morning's hearing that I liked. Wish I had more, these folks were good.

Robert Wexler, (D) Florida: "Faced with this litany of wrongful actions, I am convinced that the most appropriate response to this unprecedented behavior is to hold hearings for impeachment."

Brad Miller, (D) North Carolina: "Democracy dies behind closed doors."

Keith Ellison, (D) Minnesota: "Power unused is lost."

'Nuff said. Time to listen to MSNBC's Keith Olbermann's take on it.


Thursday, July 24, 2008

Threatened For Asking For A Job and A Half Million Coffins In The Middle Of Georgia

Early Afternoon Edit: I moved the housing update as an addendum to yesterday's post.

I froth at the mouth in rage that young guys in other ethnic groups aren't required to have high school diplomas or even speak good English. Unlike many young black men, they get hired for gigs that my 19 year old can do and has plenty of muscle to do it.

Yeah, that's him. He takes these for his girlfriend, and I can testify he's a great at heavy lifting except for picking up his dishes and clothes. Otherwise, construction work, stock work, house painting, landscaping, etc., would be a breeze for him.

He still can't find a minimum wage job. This isn't unusual if you're a young black male without a high school diploma. About half of them don't, but neither do over a third or more of urban white guys. Saying 'go back to school' dismissively is easy, but he has a mean case of ADHD.

In my area, most of the Latinos have the laborer jobs sewed up tight. I don't begrudge their success, but a lot of them speak little English and don't have high school degrees.

Things are so bad for the brothas that on Monday, my son was threatened with arrest for asking for a damn job.

When Xavier left home late that morning to look for work, he wore a button down black shirt with a collar and black slacks. The collar is good because it partially hides the Chinese lettering tattoo on his neck. I warned him not to get a highly-visible tats long ago, but when he turned 18 nearly two years ago, he was hard-headed and said that 'everyone' has them.

It was professionally done and actually looks good if you have an open mind about tattoos, but on the neck of a black male, folks instantly think gangs, whereas on a white male they might give him the benefit of the doubt and think he's 'artsy' or a musician. We've got plenty of all races running around in Maryland with lots of tats, and it doesn't seem to affect them in getting those blue collar, worker drone, and slave wage jobs.

So anyway, Xavier walked into a 7/11 after seeing a Help Wanted sign. He was dressed up nicely that day too.

"Ma, all I did was ask about getting a job. The mofo at the counter said they didn't have any. I said why did they have the sign up? He didn't say shit and just stared at me, so then I asked to speak to the manager. The guy said I'd better leave, and put his finger on the button for the police."

"You're shittin' me," I said.

"Hell no," he replied. "I was so god damned mad. I said, 'What? You think I'm here to steal? I'm just looking for a job! You got the sign in the window!' Then the man said, 'I'm warning you, I'll push the button!"

"Do it, asshole, so I can explain your fucking problem to the police, you racist asshole."

He said he grit on the bastard and left.

I was confused. I'd never seen a white person working there. I asked, "But who were the clerks? What race were they?"

"They were those two fucking Ethiopians or whatever the fuck African country they're from and think they're better than us!"

I knew exactly who he was talking about. They're passably congenial with me because I'm a middle aged black woman.

In their minds, however, they've bought into the myth that young black American males are the pit bulls of society and never to be trusted.

We can thank every form of the electronic and print medias for this. They sensationalize a handful of the worst stories, replaying them over and over again while downplaying or not playing the same shit that white folks do.

This breeds stereotypes and leads to the kind of attitude and racism that actually turns many black youths like my son into gang-banging pit bulls. People really are a lot like dogs in the sense that if you starve them or mistreat them, they'll get mean. This hidden and open contempt for black males that they are worthless and dangerous is so pervasive that it's become a social-fulfilling prophecy of gigantic proportions.

My son
shook his head in disgust and said, "Everyone hates us, Ma."

I feel for him, and sometimes wonder if I truly, truly know what it's like young black male.

I looked at my son who has been trying so hard each day to find work. He's starting to slide back into smoking weed some evenings with his friends. I wish he'd drink a beer or two instead, but alcohol makes him mean and he hates being drunk and hung-over. I will truly celebrate if marijuana is ever de-criminalized as it is in most of Canada and parts of the UK.

As Xavier stood there, I knew what he was thinking. The night before I mentioned how China feels about us. They're sponsoring the upcoming Olympics, and 'sorta' secretly decided to ban blacks and 'other social undesirables' from bars and restaurant because "they're all drug users and criminals."

So fuck the Olympics; they're only removing dog fried rice with peanut sauce off their menus so white US and UK canine-loving tourists won't freak out and refuse to eat in their establishments. Fake ass mah'fuckas.

The Chinese had a massive problem with addiction and crime at one time:

"The Opium War, also called the Anglo-Chinese War, was the most humiliating defeat China ever suffered in European history. It is perhaps the most sordid, base, and vicious event in European history, possibly, just possibly, overshadowed by the excesses of the Third Reich in the twentieth century.

By the 1830's, the English had become the major drug-trafficking criminal organization in the world; very few drug cartels of the twentieth century can even touch the England of the early nineteenth century in sheer size of criminality. Growing opium in India, the East India Company shipped tons of opium into Canton which it traded for Chinese manufactured goods and for tea. This trade had produced, quite literally, a country filled with drug addicts, as opium parlors proliferated all throughout China in the early part of the nineteenth century."

The racist Chinese persons who put out the order to ban black tourists or 'keep an eye on them' from many places don't consider their own history with white folks or current politics that led to the Middle East blood bath. Nor to my knowledge, has anyone high up in our government or the lowly bubble heads in our mainstream media complained about the ban.

So fuck the Africans like the ones at 7/11 who hate on us and Chinese haters too for acting like black Americans have a monopoly on crime when we've barely cornered the market.


Still, all of this is a blip on the shit to wonder and worry about list when compared to this odd story about a half million coffins in the middle of Georgia.

They are described as low-cost, plastic, and air-tight sealed which is ideal for biowarfare victims or dead people infected with lethal communicable diseases, like bird flu, plague, or a new lethal pneumonia that hit military bases late last year as reported in this Washington Post article.

It's not lost on me either that around July 19th, the US put Iran on a two week time clock about their nuclear program, or that Russia and China has put billions of dollars in the past ten years in helping the Iranians in building their nuclear facility and won't like if we or the Israelis attack them.

I've written about this too, here. If you're really curious, you might want to start with my article, In WWIII Even The Birds Won't Win, then read Manifest Destiny.

Anyway, these 500,000 coffins are sitting in a field near military installations, the Center of Disease Control (CDC) and airport, waiting...

Google Map of the facility

I could write a summary of what I've read, but it's way too disturbing and the ramifications make me sick to my stomach. The story is newly discovered and Alex Jones wrote a little about it.

Since then, the most comprehensive information I've found is at a thread on this site: read the comments there. Some of the members appear well-informed and took the time to do the kind of journalistic investigation that you rarely see in mainstream news.

I added this chilling video of a FEMA 'camp'; there are reportedly many of them sprinkled in the US. I wonder if the two are tied together.

If you check out those links, I'd appreciate it if you returned here with feedback about this, or any of the other stuff I wrote about today. Thank you.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Financial Advice That Could Save Your A$$

Edit - Added this video, October 6, 2008

The housing market has become catastrophic since I wrote this post in July, and the overall economy is gasping for its last breaths. Here's a remarkable video that shows and makes very personal what the mainstream media rarely shows. Hat tip to Macon D. for passing this along. If you like it, here's the site for more.

Inland Empire, CA: the poster child for the foreclosure crisis

*************** End Edit *****************

Some of you own property, a time share, or have loans and credit card debt up the wazoo. You're barely keeping your nose above water and have a feelin' that you'll soon drown.

I've never been a deadbeat, but I like this guy's attitude given that so many of us will hit financial rock bottom and become destitute from the impending new Great Depression. This will occur immediately after the election unless SHTF before then. If applicable to you, heeding this advice could soften or prevent your fall.

This article is also very useful if you rent and own no property, but your credit cards and loan debts will make it hard for you to pay that rent, buy food, and afford gas or bus fare to survive.

In the above photo:
Burning money became cheaper than burning wood.
1923 - Germany, when inflation was out of control
several years prior to the Great Depression
and this partly led to World War II.

It makes no sense to have to sell your car to pay your house note when your home is valued half of what it used to be, while hoping to get another job, only to be in the same financial stranglehold the following month but now without wheels. To spare you impoverishment, I am reprinting an excerpt from this article. ~ Kit


How to Survive The New Great Depression
by Bob Hoffman

Your house – lose it. Give up on it (assuming you are having problems paying for it.) You can buy the same house in 2 years for 2001 prices and get it for a few hundred thousand dollars less. If you are in duress and having problems with the payment, stop paying it. Stay in the house as long as you can. Fight the foreclosure at every turn. Doing the 'right thing' by paying your bills until you go broke and lose everything anyway is not good economic sense for you and your family. If you continue to try to keep up you will not only lose the house but you will be destitute and heading towards homelessness. Pride destroys finances.

Fight the foreclosure – Answer any papers sent to you by the bank. You will have 20 days to respond, wait til 18 go by and overnight it. Complain about the loan and the company and the mortgage broker. They will have 20 days to respond. And so on and so on. This will give you 3 to 12 months in your house rent and mortgage free.

The bank is overwhelmed with properties. Law forbids them from owning too much property. Due to this, the foreclosure could be pushed off for a long time. You can even try to ‘fake’ sell it with a realtor for some real high price or some 'never going' to happen short sale.

These methods, depending on the lender could give you 2 years or more in your house with no payments. Why go broke? Save your money in a hole in the ground. Help your family survive and forget your 'honor.' The lender could not care if you lived or died. They knew what they were doing. Until someone else owns it, it is your property.

Plan for your bankruptcy - Don’t go nuts on your credit cards, but use them up if you cannot pay them. Do not go bankrupt until the month your house is going to foreclosure sale. This will give you an additional three months. Even more if you can work something out with the attorney to delay the proceedings. That is at least 3 more months of living free. Watch excessive spening on cards or huge items going back 12 months before bankruptcy. Hide your cash.

This is especially important if you lost your job. The bank will not go under if you do not pay them, but your family will starve if you feel honor bound to pay the crooks, I mean lenders and credit card companies, til you are really broke and destitute.

Learn how to send cease and desist orders to creditors you are going to bankrupt so they leave you alone.

Realize you are talking about surviving here. You need your car and a roof over your head. You need money to live and eat for you and your family. Don’t worry about breaking the hearts of the crooks that made this mess or the credit card companies (read: loan sharks.) Worry about you.

Feel bad, like you are using the system? These scumbags have received 100s of billions of dollars of our taxpayers money for being crooks. And the CEOs made millions more. So, F#ck em, burn em back. Worry about you and your family not some billionaire. They borrowed the money to lend to you. They got it at 0.25% interest (that is a quarter point) and sold it to you on some screwed up plan that is going up to 8% or more. They will (and are) being bailed out by our loving congress and the lender still made tons on the interest they earned from you over a few years.

After your bankruptcy move into a nice rental and relax. You should have little or no debt. If you still have your job you may be on a small repayment plan, but you will be fine.

Before you rent, you may want to read this article to protect yourself from making a bad rental choice.

In two years from now the prices will have hit real rock bottom and stay there. 2001 prices. Now you can look into buying a house, maybe even the same one, at less than half of what you had originally bought it for. Yea, you will have a bankruptcy, but so will everyone else. You have some credit, maybe a card or two, a car loan.

Best of all, your family is well fed, safe roof over their head, and you still have a lot of money in that hole somewhere.

In other words, survive and let the multi billionaires who have ripped everyone off for so long get some heat. You and your family come before any crooks like the lenders. Your family first, lenders last.

Wisdom – you did not get out when you could have. The experts, who have a vested interest in making you spend your money, told you it would be fine. They lied. Take care of yourself, the next year is going to be a bitch.

To read more of Bob Hoffman's article, go here:

Consulting a bankruptcy attorney will be worth his/her fee to determine if this is right for you.


Next Day Addendum - 7/24/2008:

The good news in brief:

1) Gas prices inexplicably eased down. This happens just before every single election, so I'm not impressed.

2) Bush backed off from vetoing the $25 billion dollar Senate bill that would save Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac - the mortgage lenders that provides 80% of all housing loans - from collapsing.

His reason for wanting to veto it in the first place? He objected to a $3.9 billion dollar provision in the bill that would give community block grants to buy up and repair repossessed homes.

While that's not exactly pocket change, it looks out for communities instead of corporate parasites. He'd have never signed the bill with this attached provision if the housing market wasn't in it's death throes, but hey George, you win some, you lose some.

This will buy us a little more time. Maybe.


Monday, July 21, 2008

The Coolest Guy Who Ever Ran For Office

Here's something light and check out the funny pic I made at the end of the post - but don't jump ahead yet.

Barack is just so damn cool. He does it effortlessly. Just look at him with General Petraus in Iraq.

They could be talking about what's for lunch for all I know, but I'll bet they're not. He's already being treated like the next commander in chief by a lot of folks with power.

I ain't saying Obama's perfect 'cause I'm still mad about FISA, but he is undeniably cool. I'm defining 'cool' as a summary of his composure, steady temperament, and sheer genius.

If he's elected, at long last, the child occupying the White House named GWB will be leaving on January 20th - if he doesn't do some more wilding out in the Middle East and declares Martial Law here.

Bush is so beside himself over Barack's cool that he rarely speaks Obama's name in public. There's a certain name vampires won't utter either, but let's not go there...

Hopefully the majority of voters won't pull the lever for the Alzheimers' version of Bush, who this week, couldn't remember that Iraq and Pakistan don't share a border. This could present a problem if McCain plans to be in charge of the upcoming war on that front.

Forgetting geography was only one of McCain's many media-described 'gaffes', which is their polite and appalling way of avoiding the possibility that he needs to be checked out for memory problems.

His critics are either correct that McCain is no longer a maverick who bucks the GOP, or he really is getting senile. Since running, he became way too tight with the ultra-right winger and Armageddonist pusher Mike Huckabee, who was rumored to be on his VP short list. Huckabee was also the asshole who made that bad joke at the National Rifle Association meeting when he heard a background noise and said something like, "that's Obama ducking from gun shots."

McCain also has been too
cozy with "Forclosure Phil" aka Phil Gramm who helped create the current subprime mortgage meltdown, and *cringe* was his top financial adviser until last week. Grandpa McCain didn't fire him for that; it's because of bad press after Gramm called us a nation of whiners and said the economy crisis was a mental recession, sorta like mental depression and all in our heads.

Tell that shit to masses of the newly unemployed, Bear Sterns, the customers of the failed IndyBank, the
90+ other banks that are deep do-do, and the airlines that have or are going under.

At any rate, this genuine war survivor seemed different back in the '90s - or at least different enough - from the most of the morons in his party, like this South Carolina Senator who was stupid enough to run this pic on his friggin' government senatorial website:

Yep, that's how he's using our tax dollars. I hate to judge a person by their appearance, but he even looks like a dick. Even if Senator Ha-ha-ha really thinks Barack won't win, how the fuck will he ever be able to keep himself together in the presence of President Obama?

If the Dixie Senator's hostility is this out of control, maybe he'd completely lose it
and become dangerous if the coolest guy ever moved into the White House .

If I were Obama and became president, that idiot would be required to have an anal probe for weapons before ever being allowed near me.

Now that would be fun to watch. Maybe Barack could even put those pics on his new White House website.