Saturday, November 8, 2008

Proposition 8 Ban On Gay Marriage:
When The Yes We Can Crowd
Said No You Can't

As a straight black woman who has always had a variety of friends from different cultures and lifestyles, I was saddened and embarrassed for my people after learning that on the day Barack Obama won a landslide victory, 70% of black California voters chose Proposition 8, which bans gay marriage in their state.

How fucking ironic and hypocritical that nearly that many heterosexual blacks have never even had the courage to speak the words "I do," yet had the nerve to deny marriage to gays and lesbians who want it.

We can fault homophobia on the influence of the black Church, where pastors preach the evils and sins of homosexuality knowing damn well that a bunch of the brothas in the choir are gay.

It's also not like the majority of unmarried black people are intentionally living a life of abstinence:

- About 70% of black children are born to unmarried mothers.

- While heart disease remains the #1 killer of black women and AIDS isn't even in the top 10 according to the latest 2004 CDC report, stats from other sources in 2006 show that 66% of young black women who were infected with HIV acquired the disease through heterosexual contact. Per 100,000 people in the population, 55.7 black women were infected compared to 14.4 Latino women and 3.8 white women.

- The abortion rate for black women is nearly five times that of white women.

Yeah, we have our problems, and this includes talking two sides out of the mouth, i.e., faking at the voting both that you're so Christian and living quite differently; and voting Yes We Can, but at the same time, pulling the No You Can't lever to another disenfranchised group.

What went down was the height of religious-based hypocrisy, and blacks weren't the only group who did this. I still don't understand how Proposition 8 made the ballot, since "the California Supreme Court agreed in a 4 to 3 ruling in May, essentially asserting that civil unions were the equivalent of "separate but equal."

En masse, enough of us, along with our white and Latino counterparts, and especially the Mormon Church, helped rob gays & lesbians of the freedom to love each other within the framework of marriage the way we can, when we choose to do so.

Thousands of gays did yesterday what we have done in the past to overcome discrimination: protest. Frederick Douglass said in 1857, "Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will."

From a legal standpoint, marriage is a civil union and legal contract of commitment. From a traditional Christian, Jewish, and Islamic standpoint, it's a promise to God for a man and a woman to stick by one another 'till do us part with no adultery in between.

And there lies the challenge: to dare to allow others who cannot be heterosexual for whatever reason, to create their own tradition and enjoy the benefits and pain that comes with a lifetime commitment.

One prevailing belief is that gay marriage would threaten the institution of marriage.

Over of my one my favorite blogs, Big Man addressed this with a profound response: "...if I've learned one thing, it's that the biggest threats to my marriage are me and my wife."

I couldn't agree more. Marriage is deeply personal. It requires courage, sacrifice, and commitment. It takes only one to person in the couple to destroy it, but it takes both to make it work, and work well.

Then there's the argument that it would be a bad influence on children. Pfft. The majority of gay people had straight parents. I have also worked with a number of teens who had a gay parent. All but one were straight.

Then there's the conversation of homosexuality being a choice rather than a natural attraction to the same sex. I think this reflects a lack of interaction beyond the superficial with gays or a dismissive attitude of their experiences. For example, you know how many of us straights feel a sense of revulsion at the idea of out having sex with someone of the same sex?

This is how they react to having sex with the opposite sex. It was shocking the first time I saw this gut reaction in a gay guy when I was in my early 20s. I couldn't believe it. I had been trying to talk him out of his gayness because I thought he was hot and his 'problem' could be corrected.

I said, "Try to imagine the lower body parts of a beautiful woman. Imagine how soft and wonderful she would feel to you."

He visibly looked like he was gonna puke.

"Oh God," he said, "I think I'm gonna be ill."

Then he said, "You don't have a dick, so try imagine going down on the prettiest girl you know. Go ahead, imagine it."

I felt a wave of revulsion, and suddenly, I understood.

"What made you like this?", I demanded. "Were you molested?"

"No. I have no idea why I'm gay. I gave up long ago trying to figure out why. I just know I've always had girlish ways. I honestly tried to have a relationship with girl at 17, but it didn't work out. I was too attracted to guys. I gave up. I am what I am."

I felt sad for him. This was ignorance on my part. I've since learned to feel sad for those who fail to understand that we are all different, in appearance, temperament, intellectual and creative abilities, in right or left handedness, and gender orientation.

It is the mystery of life that makes us all as unique as snowflakes. Despite this, some of us are mean toward those who are little 'too unique'. History is full of the cruel acts by the majority in power, from genocide, slavery, witch hunts, lynchings, and right up to modern day, routine ostracism, bullying and discrimination. It especially happens in many families of gay persons.

In response to bigotry, some gays have tried to become straight. The few who claim success are paraded around as examples for others, the same way that pathetic black man 'begging' McCain at a rally was wildly applauded like a mascot, and how Fox News shows off their few well paid, token Negroes who are too confused to know they are aiding and abetting racism.

I have a middle aged relative who was 'saved' in the Church at age 16. I'll call him Dennis. He's hardly ever misses showing up to church on Sunday. Does Bible studies from time to time, and is obsessed with going to Jesus when he dies. As I see it, he hides behind his idea of what God wants. He's keeps his sex drive under tight wrap, and clings to the idea that he's straight - yet in his 40s, he's still a virgin. He'll die a virgin, because he cannot come to grips with his underlying homosexuality.

How do I know he's not straight? Dennis has feminine ways, and I've seen the excitement in his eyes and heard it in voice when he gets around a man he's attracted to. One of my gay friends met him once. I asked him later what he thought.

He snapped his fingers. "He's a fat queen if ever I saw one. I don't even know why he tries to hide it."

I've confronted Dennis with this. He throws on a fake smile and denies it and then starts talking about God. Everyone in the family assumes he's in the closet; even his father told him if he is gay, it's okay because he wants to see his son get more out of life. More denial. Why? His mother.

His mother's brother, I'll call him Maurice, hid his homosexuality until around the age of 30. They had been raised in the Church. Of the five kids, she was closest to him. Maurice is a funny guy and fun to be with. When he broke the news to the family, back in the late 70s that he's gay, she rejected him, totally and completely. She stopped seeing him or speaking to him. She said she was devastated by the news and couldn't get over it.

Her son, then around 12, was old enough to understand what was going on. One of the most painful things that can happen to a person is to be rejected by a parent, particularly their mother. She instilled a deep fear of loss of love in him, and he's never been able to cut that umbilical cord. Is it no wonder he's still a virgin in his 40s? And how tragic to be so old and never enjoyed the affection and touch of another human being. He's a kind but odd person, and it's a wonder he's not insane.

I am not 'pro-gay'. I am pro-humanity. Like racism, this denial of our own hypocrisy and denying others of the right to live happily ever after - or suffer in a miserable marriage the way everyone else can - is reprehensible and inexcusable.

I have to struggle to not be too self-righteous on this issue, and to remind myself that progress comes in baby steps. As a nation, we proved on Election Day that we've come a long way in joining hands together to make this a happier, more inclusive world... while at the same time, shooting our gay brethren in the foot.

We still have miles to go.


  1. kit: It's embarrasing. It's also divisive. With the economy so bad, with folks having to vacate their lovely homes, with folks losing their jobs left and right, it's absolutely incredible that black folk-- of all people-- would even consider depriving someone of their civil right to marry anyone they want or to amend the constitution to DEPRIVE someone of their rights. I know it was a tv show, but that's incredible!

    I don't believe in any of this civil union stuff. Gay folks should have the same rights I do.

    Some black folk need to step into the 21st century.

  2. You make a good argument, Kit.

    You'd have to put a gun to my head to have anal sex with a woman, much less a man, but to each his own. That was plain wrong what happened in Cali. I wonder if some of those voters thought their one vote wouldn't add up like they did. If there was recount next week, maybe it would be different. I like to think so.

  3. KIT, thanks for this post. It's very thoughtfully written. You make so many valid points about the influence and hypocrisy of the black church, black folks shacking up etc. It seems we have a lot more educating and marching to do. I have done my time arguing against homophobia. Now I think we should focus on this as a civil rights issue. I just don't think gay people are seen to the religious moralist, as humans. I've been with my partner for 29 years. But, we have no rights to each other's SSA spousal or survior benefits, while even an ex-spouse of a heterosexual couple can collect. Make any sense? We are citizens, we pay taxes just like a straight couple, but we get nothing. So, all the money we pay into SSA goes to the next couple. As U.S. citizens it is not right. Yes, may need to take this to the streets.

    Your story about Dennis was very touching. I know there are many people out there that rather deny themselves lifes basic happiness than do what they feel is to go against the church or risk losing their family. People are very selfish. They don't care if others are miserable as long as they are comfortable. Arrogant and selfish. It's sad. The suicide rate is huge among gay children and teens.

    I believe in God and I beleive God made us diverse in all ways, including sexual orientation and gender identity. I believe God watches how we treat each other with our differences. We are tested on our humanity. On Nov.4th we passed one and flunked one.

  4. I was gonna write about this one next Kit but after reading this, I would have done the issue a disservice.

    I too am disappointed that they were able to amend the decision on gay marriage in California. I think its wrong simply because they were allowed to and to take it away is bullshit.

    And you're exactly right when you say they relied heavily on the Black vote in lieu of the Obama candidacy. Once again, Black people have been used...BY THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT!

    I personally hate the influence that religion and the church has on politics. I'm agnostic and it disgusts me to no end. The marriage of religion and politics has been destructive throughout history, and here we are in a supposed modern society, and yet we turn the clock back?

    I wish there would be a national referendum to start taxing churches. They spent a whole lotta money to convince voters that gay marriage would be detrimental to kids in schools. Yeah, those hypocrites ran the whole "your child will be FORCED to accept homosexuality without your consent." That shit is as ignorant as telling white kids that sitting next to a Black kid is gonna give you the cooties.

    And as for the Black community? They could keep on with that homophobia bullshit driven by the Black church if they want. Hell, it sure has done alot by the way of preventing deaths due to HIV in the Black community.

  5. I agree that this is a case of extreme hypocrisy in America, but I believe that all this finger pointing at black voters is a cop out and is a way for white people to blame blacks for something that everyone had a hand in.

    70% of black voters voted yes on Prop 8, but blacks only accounted for 10% of voters. 53% of latino voters and 49% of white and asian voters voted yes on prop 8...If the black and latino vote swayed the % in favor of yes by 3% it's hardly fair to blame them for the proposition passing.

    The real issue here is that the state was even allowed to vote on something like taking away a fundamental right for another group of people. Not to mention the smear campaigns by the YES on 8 groups. Absolutely ridiculous.

    This is going to be an issue that our country looks back at in shame in the near future. I believe two other similar measures passed in other states, so it's not just California, although I would like to think we're better than the rest of the excuses. We fucked up.

  6. Ropedizzle, You said, "70% of black voters voted yes on Prop 8, but blacks only accounted for 10% of voters."

    Hmmmm, once again, like the housing meltdown, the negative press tried too shift ALL the blame on us. Clearly we couldn't have single-handedly stop the clock of progress of basic civil rights for this group. I still wonder how the hell it was banned since the CA Supreme Court decided it was legal in May.

    Rippa, Knowing you as I do, take your last sentence as angry sarcasm. You're right, by being unable to accept gay members without making them feel dirty, these less progressive black churches missed the boat with a lot of HIV prevention and outreach.

    I'm glad you think I covered this topic well, but not everyone knows about my lil' ole blog. We all did posts on Obama, right? Or *snicker* that nutty McCane volunteer who carved a 'B' on her face?

    We all did to do our bit to enlighten the masses that this was wrong, and so ironic on the Day of Change, and we all have a different perspective. Big Man, who I got this idea from, did his differently and fantastically than I. You're great with humor and I'll bet yours post would be a riot.

    Jackie, I forgot how gay partners can't leave their Social Security benefits to one another. All those taxes paid for nothing. That's awful.

    And you're right about stats on gay teens having the highest suicide attempt and rate. I've seen that reflected in my own caseloads. And as for my relative, Dennis, thanks. Sometimes I worry about him getting too lonely. He's exactly the kind of person who should have moved out of town 20 years ago to get some breathing space from his mama.

    Shelton, That's an intriguing idea. I like to think a lot of folks thought their one vote wouldn't make a difference either and would do it over again, but I honestly don't know.

    MacDaddy, You said, "Some black folks need to step into the 21st century." Well put. BTW, what tv show are you talking about?

  7. I don't feel like I can add very much to this discussion. Everything has already been so thoughtfully said.

    I appreciate that people outside of the gay community are discussing this. People should be educated so that ignorance can no longer be an excuse. My closest straight friends had no idea what prop 8 was.

    I am in a unique position because I am involved with a woman in the military, so even if prop 8 had been voted down, I still can't get married according to restrictions the government has put on someone that is protecting this country.

    Like Obama said, we've got a lot of work to do...

  8. I'm skeptical about the 70% percent charge that the media is touting but yes, black folks and other minorities really have to look at this topic as civil rights issue rather than a religious issue.

    Florida and Arizona also banned gay marriage and Arkansas banned gay couples from adopting so clearly some folks trying to blame only black people is moot.

    It took 200 years for people to finally elect a black man, we've barely gotten past race. Now, addressing homosexuality will require new and better strategies to sway public opinion in favor of gay rights and dispel myths about gay people. 30 states currently ban gay marriage so work needs to be done pronto.

    The fact that 18,000 gay people were already married in California when prop 8 passed already gives them leverage in court.

  9. Kat, thanks, and that leverage is strong ammunition. I've been thinking that maybe Prop 8 banning gay marriage and getting passed will ultimately boomerang in favor of gays. By taking it to the federal Supreme Court, they might pass it in all 50 states. This issue doesn't affect me directly, but I would laugh my azz off; once again another form bigotry would be defeated.

  10. My firsst time over here.. I'm a Black Straight man and I'm very embarrassed that 70% of the Black voters turned out to vote on Proposition 8...You can't rise while holding another group down.
    I keep telling people or asking rather- "What is it to you, what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their homes? Why do you care?" They can never give me a straight answer.
    I've been married for 19 years and what two men or two women are doing down the street has nothing to do with me and my wife, period.
    I wish more people saw it that way.

  11. I was going to write about this, but you have done it well. I'll probably just link to here instead.

    I think that it is pitiful that anyone, not just blacks would vote for Prop 8.

    I think that black people, like many, don't see gay people as having rights. You hit it on the head with the belief many have that it is a choice.

    I think that we need to handle this as a civil rights issue. Tie it to the laws in the past against interracial marriage. Tie it to the struggles that minorities have in the workplace, and all over.

    I'm not sure if all will be able to empathize, but at least then people might see the ridiculousness of people voting for/against providing people with rights.

    A big argument people seem to not want to recognize is that straight marriage is not perfect, so why should we not allow others to sample it. There are so many "die-hard-Christians" who are divorced, some multiple times.

    And the argument many give that allowing gay marriage would be the death of so many children is absolutely absurd. There are already more children around than parents can take care of. There are kids that need to be adopted, or fostered, and many loving gay couples are willing to do that -- and raise them while married.

    Maybe one day the hope that was so ubiquitous in this election will spread to providing rights for all people.

  12. KIT,
    Ia m so with you on this. I ahve worn myslef thin commenting about this. It is heart-breaking to think that of all the issues that require our attention, this gets it.

    When I was a legislator, the biggest crowds into our legislative chambers was on this very issue. Couldn't get these good, God fearing ministers, rabbis and other zealots out on isses like after school programming, or hot lunch programs, but you mention the idea of same sex anything and man, it would be a fire storm.

    What it says to our Gay Brothers and Sisters is that you are not like us and therefore you don't deserve the same rights. We have seen this before...

    I have faith that equality will make its way into the Gay community and then they can truly stand with us...enjoying the same rights and priviledges that we struggled for...for everyone! my soapbox now.

  13. The backlash is getting worse.

    The N-Bomb was dropped by gay people protesting prop 8 in California

  14. Kit:
    Love your blog. My thoughts are all over the map here. WE are wrong to deny any group their civil rights but 70% out of 10% of population cannot make or break passage of anything. Like you said: blame US for everything. The black church on this but nothing on AIDS???
    I've read where there has been little outreach by GLBT to black community ala Feminist Movement - only want our help when they need it. Doesn't excuse voting like that but, hmm.
    Those opposing numbers have been dropping every year. More education and outreach I think will change those numbers in favor of gay rights.
    I too would like to know how this made ballot so soon after being shot down by CA Supreme Court. Speaking of SC, do you think Kennedy would really vote to strke this down?

  15. Tyren M, Thanks, and re: your question, I just checked for the latest: "It is unfortunate," Schwarzenegger said [on CNN today]. "But it is not the end because I think this will go back into the courts. ... It's the same as in the 1948 case when blacks and whites were not allowed to marry. This falls into the same category."

    Kat, I am so not surprised some gays got pissed and used the N-word. I imagine a huge number of them voted for Obama, and for them to find out the next day so many blacks didn't vote for gay marriage must have felt like a slap in the face. This isn't logical since they would not have voted for McCain anyway, but I understand how some feel, thinking all of us are fighting for the right to happiness and equality.

    Of course, the truth will come out that a bunch of non-blacks didn't vote for it. I read your link to Pam's House Blend article and the comments.

    Whoa! I said it in this post and I'll say it again: the revolution is on!

    This time we gotta Black man in the White House, gays demanding the right to marriage, it feels like the very beginning of like Version 2.0 of the late 1960s to me. Much more is in store for us. If we can avoid a big war here on the homeland, I think we'll come out better.

    Lovebabz, I'm keeping the faith too. As a straight, along with my self-identified straight readers who left comments (thanks all!), it's not a gender issue, it's a civil rights issue. I honestly wonder if half the folks who voted on Prop 8 knew what the hell it was about.

    Stuck, on point with your comments. So many people have never had many or any meaningful conversations with people different from them. I swear, there are so many benefits to growing up and living in a large, diverse city.

    Keith, thanks for dropping in and leaving that comment that you're a straight black man and feel that "You can't rise while holding another group down."

    BrownGirlGoneGay, You said, "My closest straight friends had no idea what prop 8 was."

    I didn't either until the other day, and wonder more and more if a lot of people in Cali actually knew what they were voting for. Not being a resident there, I have no idea how the ballot read, but somewhere I read that the color green was used to punch you were for the ban.

  16. Well, I hope I never vote *improperly* lol

    (1) I don't believe its right to blame black folks on this passing. Most have already stated why.

    (2) I wonder if this manner of voting is to say: on a personal level they (those who voted no) don't have a problem with it, but do have a problem establishing a law.

    (3) I wonder if gay marriage was called something else -without the buzz word *marriage* in it, if things would go better????

  17. I believe that within the next ten years, gay marriage will be legalized through most if not all of the United States. All of those people that are vehemently opposed to this issue need to start channeling their energies elsewhere.

    I also find it amusingly sad that churches will go through the fire to impede the rights of the GLBT community, yet almost never seem to take action on relevant issues like education and poverty. If they do, it's usually some kind of one-time offering during service and brief lip service. Even though I'm Christian, the religious hypocrisy never fails to boggle my mind.

    Taking the word "marriage" out of gay marriage makes as much sense as calling a car a bike.

  18. I for one am tired of people trying to make Gay lifestyle like it's a race. It's not the same one is a sexual act and the other happens to be the color of your skin. I'm in CA and I knew it wouldn't pass because the law already provides for civil unions. Everyone wants to make it some form of prejudice when it's not close it's a sexual act that most find to be immoral behavior. Let's start with some truth and you'll find out why Blacks voted in that fashion. We don't have to agree on everything but just because someone doesn't think like you should it make you ashamed.

  19. "Taking the word "marriage" out of gay marriage makes as much sense as calling a car a bike."

    I see.

    I guess I was just not sure what the goal is.

    Also I was not sure which was more important (the title marriage over rights; or the rights over the title marriage) Anyway, the gay community should not be hurt, attacked, etc.

  20. Miriam, agreed, blacks didn't single-handedly make Prop 8 possible. I was just surprised the majority of us voted this way. As I sit here now, I wonder how we'd collectively vote on abortion?

    V-Knowledge, My guess and hope is that President Obama will stack the Supreme Court with progressive liberals. If so, maybe they'll undo the Patriot Act, FISA, keep Roe vs. Wade, and make same sex marriages legal so gay couples can, as you said, drive a car instead ride a bike.

    Freeman, You said, "Everyone wants to make it some form of prejudice when it's not close, it's a sexual act that most find to be immoral behavior... Let's start with some truth and you'll find out why Blacks voted in that fashion."

    Freeman and others, I'll gently say this: The argument of a person being gay, versus choosing a gay lifestyle is a slippery slide into Legal No Where Land.

    Past "truths" were that the world was flat, blacks were 3/5 human, and women weren't as smart as men because their brains weighed less. Over half the population had fewer or no rights due to this, and were persecuted for thinking otherwise.

    This election year was so historic and the fight so bitter because the American people were fighting as much over centuries of beliefs disguised as truth, as they were for the political platform each candidate stood for.

    You, me, and most straights will find this new fight interesting to watch. And no, Freeman, I don't knock you or anyone else for your religious beliefs nor think you should be ashamed for it.

    On the other hand, this is a nation of Separation of Church from State. The US Supreme Court will determine if they want to use Religion, and it's child, Morality, as a their measuring stick of 'truth' to deny same sex marriages.

    For gays who want the right to marry, and their families and friends who would like to see them enjoy a loving relationship within marriage, it will be very personal.

    I like equality and democracy on all fronts, and to see people happy. I wish them luck.

  21. Hi KIT,

    I wrote about this on my blog too. While I do believe that marriage is a union between a man and a woman, I think that same sex couples should be allowed to have a union that affords them the same legal and financial advantages as married couples.

    For this reason, the passing of this proposition, without allowing for any equivalent non-marriage union, is discrimination.

    I can certainly understand your outrage. Why on earth do people think that it is their right to tell other people how to live their lives?

  22. I'm glad so many black people have written about this on the web. I know it won't change the minds of certian folks (like the anonymous commenter over at my blog) but it's good that folks are taking a stand and offering different points of view.

  23. Great piece Kit, although one slight bit of advice. Seems like you are quick to define gay men as being "womanly" or having "feminine" characteristics. I can assure you that such a definition is not helping anybody.

    All men and women (gay or straight) have some level of masculine and feminine traits. Be careful not to oversimplify your definition of gay men as you have and I'd be 100% on the same page with you in this blog. Just as all gay women probably do not want to be stereotyped as "masculine." Some maybe do, and I am sure just many others do not. Being feminine or masculine has ZERO to do with being gay or straight is my point.

    I appreciate your well-thought out essay though. WE (gays and straights) certainly do have a long long way to go.

  24. Thank you for this honest and heartfelt post. As a gay man, I appreciate your candor and support of our fight. (coming here via ABB, by the way)

  25. Joe, Thanks. I try not to get preachy or live in the Land of We Should on any issue, but try to do my part in helping justice for all.

    Anonymous 2:13, Whoops, my bad. Didn't mean to come across like that, as you're right, with some folks you can't tell.

    Big Man, I just checked your post again. I laughed at your response, "please don't feed the trolls, it only makes them bigger." Hell, I nuke mine here with the delete button.

    Cheri, Glad you did that too. A cross-section of people stood together on Nov 4th and got Obama elected. When diverse groups of people work together, we get more good done for everyone, and Torrance, that's why this is serious for blacks and straights.

  26. Hello. I found this through a link. I have been happily married for 35 yrs and have four grown children. Two are divorced - no surprise there - and one is in a rocky marriage. My youngest is "married in spirit" to her partner. They have been living together for five years and are the happiest. Before then she had been terribly lonely and trying so hard to hide her identity from everyone, including herself.

    Of all the weddings of our children, it is hers that we look forward to the most when same sex unions becomes legal in our state. Thank you for this insightful and compassionate post.

  27. Kit, thanks for this post. I was dancing in joy with my family when Obama gave his acceptance speech. But when the news of Prop 8 came in, the joy I felt in seeing Dr. King's dream come true fell into sadness.

    That hurts.

    I'm grateful for your support here. I think it needed to be said, especially by the black community. However, as was pointed out, blaming blacks for Prop 8's passing is just more scapegoating and division. Stuff we need to get away from. The bottom line is, that individuals - not communities - voted for it, and they came from all demographics. Likewise those who voted against.

    As a community, white gays need to reach out to black gays - and that hasn't happened. We need to learn about the particular issues that black gays have, and incorporate that into our movement. I hope this was a wakeup call for us.

    Meanwhile, as you so eloquently pointed out, the struggle against oppression is universal.

    Be well!

  28. I forgot how gay partners can't leave their Social Security benefits to one another. All those taxes paid for nothing. That's awful.

    My default advice in all political and social issues is "follow the money."

    When gay marriage rights first exploded onto the scene, I came across an analyst who shared my view. If gays could legally marry, they could enjoy marriage benefits such as tax breaks and passing along Social Security. Underneath the religious/homophobic issue is the interest of the state to not allow a larger group participate in such financial benefits.

    That's just another perspective to consider.

    Hawa, author of
    Fackin Truth Blog (Personal Blog)
    Cleanse Master Remix (Health Blog)

  29. Hawa, You said, "Underneath the religious/homophobic issue is the interest of the state to not allow a larger group participate in such financial benefits.


    I'm also glad as hell you left the link to you blog. I tried to access it long ago but it was marked private. At a glance, it looks awesome.

    Seda, My feelings too. Divide and conquer won't work if all disenfranchised groups work together for equality.

    Karen M, Thank you for sharing your personal story. I wish you daughter well!

  30. I wonder, after reading your post, if right-wingers gott Prop 8 on the ballot KNOWING that "Black" and Hispanic turnout would be huge, and that there is a tradition of being outraged by homosexual behaviour.

    Cuz why would you put that up there when the issue had already been decided? That's the REAL distressing factor, at least in my eyes.

    I don't know that I'm particularly embarrassed that "black" folk voted the way they did... I've noticed that lower and working-class minorities tend to have VERY strong feelings against homosexuals. In general. Because specifically, you start asking around and I bet that they know and have gay folk in their family, their church, their community. Who they don't bother. EVERYBODY has an Uncle Dennis or a Little Cousin. And sometimes they DON'T hide their homosexuality. It''ll be right out there in the open it's just that no one will ever address it openly.

    So I bet a lot of folk voted in a very abstract way, forgetting about how Uncle Dennis or Aunt Lizzy or cousin Beth or Aunt Leona's crazy little boy Robert (the one who plays with Barbie Dolls) would really feel.

    Not that I'm making excuses. I'm just wondering how it happened...

  31. Barack Obama is too busy. First, he appears every other day at expensive and high profile press conferences to "announce" his administration appointments. Second, he provides way too much commentary on "this and that" and does so with the calm of a casanova. And have you noticed the daily and consistent stream of Obama coins, plates, and info-mercial-like kudos that parade him as an almost saint?

    Tell me, what is going on? While I have been around the block a couple of times, I have never seen this kind of hoopla around an incoming president. Grant it, Obama supposedly is to be the first Black president of the United States (although that designation can be disputed - do your homework 'cause I don't want to enable the lazy masses). But something else is being said; something that is quiet and dangerous. But I cannot quite put my hand on it.

    However, one thing is clear: Obama has asked the Rev. Rick Warren to pray for "us" at his inaugural bash come January 20, 2009. Rev. Warren, by the way, hates on people who are homosexual and rejects their admission to his California church if they do not reject and repent their sexual orientation. Yea, the messiah-like Obama, despite his stated compassion for homosexuals, selected the homophobic Rev. Warren to pray for America.

    This is the same Obama who lashed out and distanced himself from the Rev. Jeremiah Wright of Chicago. Mind you now, Rev. Wright's only "sin" (according to a lot of white people and a small group of passive Black people) was screaming and hollering about America's racist past and present. Rev. Wright's rants did not demonize or hate on individuals who enjoy love and sex with a consenting adult of their choice.

    You do the math: Rev. Wright was dissed by Obama for complaining about the deadly and murderous system of racism and white supremacy. And Rev. Warren is embraced by Obama, this despite Warren's concept that equates homosexuals with pedophiles and bestiality.

    The result of Obama's association with reverends, thus far, show that he ran away from a reverend who challenged the system of white supremacy, and he ran to a reverend who makes villains of those who cherishes the person of their choice.

    And Obama's response to Rev. Warren selection? Obama says we have to work with people of contrary views. O'k.

    And Obama's response to Rev. Wright? Obama ran away from him. Grant you, Obama did write and give an impressive speak on race in America.

    So, does not mean that Obama will give a comparable speak on sexual orientation in America?

    This is what we suggest: We strongly urge Obama to replace immediately Rev. Warren from his inaugural ceremonies. In addition, we strongly urge Obama to write and give a roaring and compassionate speak on sexuality including sexual orientation in America because if you have not noticed, America is as equally afraid of sex as they are of Black people.

    Fige Bornu
    Positive African Image Institute

    (Fige Bornu is an advocate for youth and elder justice and can be reached at


Hi, this is Kit.

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