Sunday, March 14, 2010

Smart Black Men Talk About
Dating & Marriage

I put up the first part of a three part post for a few hours this afternoon, but took it down after I discovered that the Naked With Socks On blog just covered a similar topic on meeting the right guy and knowing if he or she is the one.

I've never seen any point of duplicating something when someone's done it better, so I'm glad they're doing this... saves me and you the time. In general, I think men are more authentic in giving advice to women - about men. Hell, they ought to know what makes them tick and what they want, right?

I am particularly impressed with their YouTube channel and on-going video collection, The Modern Day Matchmaker. So ladies, here are brothas giving advice, check them out.

Here's one more shout out to VSB: The Naked With Socks On guys will also be doing an eight city tour, including DC on March 27th. Our man Champ from Very Smart Brothas will be there too. Now that ought to be interesting.


  1. Don't you hate when that happens?!?

    I can think of at least a few times over the years when I've posted a blog, only to find out that someone I know has posted something on either the same subject or at least very similar to what I blogged about.

    That blows.

  2. Reggie, Nah, so far it's never bothered me because one news story will generate a bunch of various opinions. My last post, however was more of a feature article along the seeking a husband genre. That's been done to death too... and the thing is, I'm not part of the pack looking for one and haven't been for a long time.

    The game is pretty much the same, if not harder, as I see it, but the way 20s and 30s folk relate is different. They have more barriers to getting to know one another and having emotional intimacy, i.e., too much electronic social networking, which excludes face to face and voice to voice communication and makes it easier for people to get played or dumped even more inhumanely than 10 and 20 years ago - and that's saying a lot.

    I still have some ideas to offer people, both younger and my age, in a related topic - the pitfalls - and will rework that part soon.

    Linda L, Thanks for the email. One of the things you said about the part 1 of the post I deleted and this one is something I and many readers can appreciate:

    You said, "You're right about the authenticity of male advice about men and what they want; however, I'm wary of relationship advice to women from men because one of the things (some) men want is to maintain male privilege and uphold patriarchy."

    That's a damn good point and one for women to keep in mind. Thank you.

  3. Hi Kit,

    I hit the link and I was stopped at the gate. I mean, after the first paragraph... "a monthly rotating house party/excuse for pittsburgh-area professional black people to drink juice-box coronas and eat homemade meatballs while playing spades and taboo"...

    ...after the first paragraph, I was done. I am not going to explain why, but, I didn't need to read anymore.

    And, although I am a dude and the messages may not have been for me, I am with Linda, I question the motive behind men giving "advice" to women. Ol'boy Steve Harvey got paid. Well, as you've heard me say before, game is made to be sold and not told (there's a message there).

    I don't know if the group of wisdom pushers, have women, but if they do, I'd like to hear their side of the story. You know, like if their words are hollow or if it has worked for them.

    Fools go where wise men tread not.

    For the most part, I think a person gets what they give. And, it's generally too late in the game to change a grown ass person.

    Imo, walking (dating) by the numbers is a fools errand. Granted, some woman could got use a slight tug of the coat, but you can beat some fools half to dead, and they will remain a fool... And love it.

  4. Carey, My bad. VSB does a lot of tongue in cheek, relationship-based humor shit. They post after midnight on weekdays, and they and their readers have me crackin' up half the time.

    In the past two weeks, a couple folks elsewhere hinted that I'm too old fashioned, and right now one blogger ain't even speaking to my azz, lol. Dang, just call me old, mmkay?

    But hell, maybe the young 'uns have a point, or just need to find their own answers like we did - although I don't think people have changed a bit since Biblical times.

    I dunno...

  5. Ah, too bad you took it off. There are only so many topics to discuss, but there can be a million ways too look at them and a million styles to write about them. Maybe you'll reconsider.

  6. Okay Kit, I may have made my move too soon. Maybe I should give the brothas another look see.

    Marianne had a good point, and I think you said the same (to some degree) in your reply to Reggie.

    Well, one time I was at a gathering and a brother walked in with a suit just like the one I had on. Now, I don't know how woman feel about that situation but I was ready to go. My date said, "Don't worry about the small stuff, everybody can't play that suit like you"

    Although she may have been just saying the right thing (making a brotha feel good) her point was well taken.

    Yep, we all have our own fingerprints. Do your thang girl.

  7. @Carey Carey
    Do men care about this double-outfit shit nowadays??? What is happening with the world? I am falling behind!

  8. Marianne,I don't think it's a gender thang. But maybe I missed your question? Do they care? Well, to some degree, I do, and I am old school. As a culture, I believe we've always valued being different. We have our own walk and lord knows we love to invent names. I think those that love to linger in popular opinion, and those that are affraid to express a differing view, are the ones that want to dress like the crowd.

    So, maybe I missed your point. From my experience and conversations with women, they do not like being in the same room with a woman that has on the same dress.However, as I said, I don't think that sentiment is the sole possession of women. What's your opinion?

  9. Yes, that was my question, thank you for replying. I thought men don't care if another man wears the same outfit - which would explain the lower degree of variation in men's clothing. I think there's a Seinfeld episode that starts with that idea, that men wear similar clothes because all men are the same, lol :P. But maybe it is a cultural thing, as you said. I've never heard White men make that point about not being "doubled", not even those who took great pride in their appearance in general.

  10. Hello again, Marianne

    I loved Seinfeld.

    "I thought men don't care if another man wears the same outfit - which would explain the lower degree of variation in men's clothing"

    You brought up a very good point. Again, I think it's a cultural thang. From what I gather, "other" cultures seem to enjoy dressing alike. Which speaks to the lower degree of variation that you spoke of.

    I live in an area wear stylish clothes are on the bottom barrel of importance. We are less than 2% of the population. So, I have to travel 2-3 hours to buy clothes, or have them tailor made here at home. We do have stores that serve our needs but that's where a man can run into trouble. Since every black face goes there, you might see yourself walking down the street, on several occassions!

    Unfortunatly, the suit I had on that night was the product of my short money. Typically my suits cost anywhere from $600-$1200 dollars, and that's not the top of the line... by far! I snatched that lookalike (local store)for $169... on the discount rack.

    What about women? Do they care if another woman has on the same dress?

  11. I had a bangin' semi-formal white dress in college that put the sizzle in sexy. I got mad when I saw a chick in a movie with the same dress. Lol!

    Otherwise, nice point about the fingerprint in our writings.

  12. Case in point, take a look at Micheal Jordan, Steve Harvey, Kanye, Farrakhan, Rev Sharpton, Professional atheletes across the board. With some men, money is the prevailing reasons why they dress like other men. Some men can afford to be different... I like doing so. It all boils down to what a person values. Hey, I tend to believe you can't put a price on happiness. Yes, ego has his ugly head in there.

    A side note: I don't even want to smell like another man. Don't even ask the cost to be that boss.

  13. Kit, you have a big fingerprint. Nobody can do you, like you.

    Hey, did you ever wear that dress again? Or, in that same town?

  14. I see, so money does influence men's attitude. It sure matters for women if another woman wears the exact same outfit. Seeing it in a movie wouldn't bother me though, as long as I'm not in the same room with that other woman. By the way, Kit, do you know that white dress Liz Taylor wore in Cat On A Hot Tin Roof? Don't tell me you had the same one, because I will never stop being jealous!
    Smelling the same is easily avoidable, if you steer clear of the most popular fragrances of the day. It used to be Aqua di Gio, Fahrenheit, Paco Rabanne XS, now it's Kenneth Cole and Unforgivable. You end up being a walking advertisement. But there are always more select choices to suit any personality and body chemistry. It's true that they are not cheap, but sometimes there are amazing finds on Craigslist, people who get gifts they don't like and sell them for less than half the retail price, you just have to keep an eye on the site. I've noticed an increase in fragrance deals ever since more and more workplaces instituted a no-scents policy.

  15. Carey & Marianne, Yeah, I wore it at least four times in different places. It was sexy like that, but was flared at the hemline. The bossum/chest part had a heart shape and tied around the neck. Very feminine, and would have been great for salsa dancing!


Hi, this is Kit.

I haven't posted since summer 2010, and comment moderation has been on for a very long time.

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