Sunday, June 20, 2010

To The Empty Seat
At The Head Of The Table

Dear Empty Seat at the head of the table,

Happy Father's Day.

I know that you can't talk back, but if the occupant could, he would. He'd smile and say thank you and pretend that he likes the funny tie or pair of socks or the picture one of the kids drew.

I understand your seat is empty because he's dead, locked up, fighting a war to kill someone elses daddy, is too broke and embarrassed to come around, or just had his mind filled up with so much bullshit that he forgot how to love himself, and by extension, anyone else.

Yes, I know that a lot of grandfathers and uncles and stepdads try to fill your space. Even the mothers and women folk try this, but it's a strain for them to sit in two places at the same time, and most prefer not to play an endless game of musical chairs.

I know that substitutes in your spot isn't quite the same, but most people are good and do what needs to be done when they can, so try not to cry.

The world is not ready to throw you away, although there are people in it who would like to destroy you even though they lie and say otherwise about wanting "intact" families. They're really only talking about their group and their chair that sits at the head of their table. If they really meant what they said, they wouldn't make life so miserable and difficult to survive for your occupant.

Maybe one day, a son of the man who should enjoy your throne will avoid or escape the brutality of the world and keep you warm.

Until then, a good strategy is for families to use round tables. There are many reasons people do this anyway, such as preference of design, but one that's rarely discussed is it helps to not be constantly reminded of your missing occupant.

Anyway, I wish you a Happy Father's Day.


The loved ones left behind


  1. This was very touching, Kit. It's funny how we associate various articles, settings, places with our loved ones, especiallly once they've left us and made their transition. It really IS about transitions, not only theirs, but our own, and how we cope, how we choose to remember and honor them.

    This was a wonderful way to remember him.

    Thanks for sharing.

    One Love.


  2. That is exactly what I am thinking. Great post.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  3. Kit,
    Beautifully written.It made me think of my mom, who taught me baseball and how to care.And my dad, who God took to the real world so he wasn't there to help my mom teach me how to live in the dream world.

  4. Thank you, everyone; glad you enjoyed it. I thought of this falling to sleep late last night and threw it together early this morning before I left.

    Just got back from a great Father's Day cookout. It was interesting watching the cycle of life: men in my family (a few are senior citizens) watch and play with the youngest male child there who is a wonderful baby boy. It's been a nice day.

  5. You're too much Kit. So touching and so very REAL. Thanks, again.

  6. Oooohhh...

    I love how you do that with stuff. The round table... such a wonderful invention when you put it like that. :)

  7. Hey Kit wot's up! We missed you.

    Spread the word the NAACP, NAN, and the Urban League are doing a March on Washington to counter the March August 28th by Glenn Beck.

  8. Kid, How fitting: Glen Beck leading a circus of freaks in the dog days of summer. I can't take that clown seriously or give him the attention he wants. I'll have to pass. But thanks anyway!

    A. Smith, Thank you, and yes, the round table was a wonderful invention and perfect for the single parent family.

  9. Kit... it was touching. To me esp. Lost my Dad when I was seven. Thank you. Great piece. It grasped me heart.

  10. Nice post Kit, it's very well written. I have a general qsn tho' how come there's always this air of sadness when it comes to Father's Day and not with Mother's Day? Mother's Day is more about praising women for their strength, but with Father's Day, it's like yea Big Ups to all the Fathers out there, but there's also a sense of sadness in many posts I've read.

  11. Kon Womyn, Thank you. Re: your question -

    I think this day, for many, becomes a focal point for anniversary grief, similar to what many Native Americans might feel on Thanksgiving Day or 4th of July.


Hi, this is Kit.

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