Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Kit's Satire: My Night Out At The UFO Party With Jamal & Stephen Hawking

Just when Arizona thought they did the right thing in passing a law to cast a wider net to nab illegal aliens, along comes Stephen Hawking, one of the most brilliant scientists of our times, and said we need to leave those mofos alone.

I heard it myself when me 'n my buddy, Jamal, hooked up with Stephan at an outdoor UFO party, on a mountain about a three hour drive away to watch for unidentified flying objects. Like me, Jamal enjoys trying different things.

Stephen said, "Aliens might be traveling the cosmos right now - not for exploration's sake but because they've run out of resources at home."

Two guys named George W. and Tony B. overheard the conversation.

"Well that's their damn problem," George replied. "Them Mexicans gotta find a little country or two to invade like we did that has plenty of resources, but they better not come near us."

A blonde fella named Lou D who used to be a news pundit shook his head in agreement. "I used to say that all the time."

Stephen, Jamal and I stared at them, wondering who the heck invited these men with one-track minds.

"Now, now, boys," I interrupted, "don't go hating and promoting war here. That's not nice or humane."

"Yeah, and karma is a bitch," Jamal added, grittin' on them.

Stephen agreed, and said he thought these illegals might want to invade us. "If aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn't turn out well for the Native Americans."

"That's not true," an self-important guy named O' Riley said. "They have very successful casinos, and frankly, I resent it."

Suddenly, we all heard the sound of a gunshot.

"No need for alarm!", an exuberant Sarah P. exclaimed. "I just a bagged a moose. Practice, ya know, for when I spot my first alien invader!"

I turned to O'Riley, "Better try to get first dibs on an interview with her!"

Got rid of his azz quick.

Jamal turned to me. "Lawd have mercy," he said, "I hope these new aliens don't try to re-start the slave trade."

"You bettah hope they don't try to eat us," I snapped.

Skip Gates joined in. "Well, the last time, Africans sold Africans to white slave traders, but nobody got eaten."

"There ya go again, Skip!", I said. "Stop bringing that up! Only right wingers want to hear about that."

"Yeah," Jamal agreed, "and I think some of them would like to see us eaten up now."

"I can't help doing what I do" Skip replied. "I'm not a historical revisionist. I tell it how it was, not how we wish it was... and I like creating opportunities to hook up with my friend Barack."

"Name dropper," Jamal muttered under his breath.

I eased away, rolling Stephen with me.

Our eyes searched night sky and the stars.

"Nope, I don't see no space aliens tonight," I said. "You really think they are dangerous nomads?"

He said, "We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn't want to meet."

Somehow, I'm sure Stephen is right.


  1. Sounds like Loud D's still looking for work. Maybe he could head south and sell gum and chalk bulls to departing tourists.

  2. How do you do it? Love it!

  3. Thanks, Oso and Penny Wize. I was beginning to wonder if space aliens abducted all my readers.

  4. That was funny KIT. Really funny.


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